Cash Machines for Christ

The caption under this twitter pic reads:

Things I love about (insert name of church here): ATM in the Lobby of Church!

This was tweeted by one of the pastor types at the former vortex church we attended.

Need I say more?

Red Flag Warnings

Too bad the red flags we came across over the years in our former church worlds didn't have more obvious indicators that something was wrong. Take this red flag across the path for instance. How nice it would have been to see a big red flag over the threshhold of the vortex sanctuary. Or how about "Danger! You are listening to an imposter!" on the big media screens strobing behind the pastor king while he rants about unity (i.e. cloning himself so we'd all be on the same page.) It would've been great to see a huge fire truck complete with clanging bell and horn resounding in the parking lot when everyone showed up for prayer on Saturday night! Why not a strapping fireman with a bull horn warning "Step away from the door!" so we would have chosen to go somewhere fun with our families to actually help BUILD a stronger relationship instead of yet another night in a windowless sanctum?

Oh well, even though the flags didn't flash obvious danger signals, the good news is we eventually got the message. Even though we still cringe when we wonder how many red flags did we need to see before we knew to get the heck out of there?! (a life-long lament to be sure)

An anonomous person dropped by the other day and left a compelling comment on my Spiritual Temperature and A New Surrender post that I'd like to highlight in its own post. By way of collecting testimonies like this, those of us out here (who are now outside the camp so to speak Hebrews 13:12-14) can keep record of this surprising 'new' (for some of us it's new!) movement that is indeed coming into its own, a new move of God if we dare to say. Many of us are fed up with what Christian Culture has become to us and have decided we no longer have to live within its confines if it's in one of the abusive environments. We no longer desire to follow a wrong gospel. We've seen numerous red flags that all added up and now realize it is the Lord himself removing us from the danger zone! He called us out to RESCUE OUR FAITH! We are finding that God is still with us and moving in our midst despite the threats the old world tried to contain us with, telling us God would remove his blessing from us if we ventured outside 'the covering' (gag). (Side note: Their version of covering completely COVERED US UP! The only COVERING we need is Jesus. It goes without saying that we can find joy in healthy relationships and friendships, but they don't cover us!)

And here we are, actually blessing one another with encouragement and support! Talk about a church without walls! I'm not talking about Paula White who desecrated the concept by naming her church that, using it to garner wages to jump in the pipeline of the rich and famous! To the contrary, wouldn't you say that phrase describes the church on the internet?! So glad to finally take the cult out of culture if you get my drift. I'm so grateful to find other brothers and sisters on various blogs who have stumbled on to the truth of God's love and that HE needs no walls to keep his church going. HE is without limitation! It's enough to make the abusive church leaders weep and gnash their teeth because it's so beyond their control! They just can't stop it!

Anyway, to the topic at hand which is our new friend's comment. Sounds like he or she has abandoned ship or is about to... thank GOD either way! A hardy congratulations he is free from that particular 'pipeline'! Please say a prayer for this person to find a new job, a thriving livelihood and true fulfillment on this side of heaven, because it sounds like he had to sacrifice his job to leave. Many of us know the feeling. It WILL get better, I hope he can grab onto that and rebuild his hope. So here goes:

"Thank you for creating this blog. It's very comforting to read in the internet many stories from former members of abusive churches share their own testimonies.

I was in a word of faith movement and I left the group just recently because the red flags I am experiencing is already too intense to ignore. I was looking for a refuge from the abusive atmosphere in my family only to be trapped in a spiritual group wherein the system is also abusive. I bought into the lie that "the cause" is the most important mission of a christian. I gave in to the false promise that you have to be in the "right pipeline" if you want to experience the fullness of God's blessings and I obeyed out of fear that you have to be in the "right boat" to ride the big wave otherwise you will be left behind. Charismatic preachers name call those christians who don't want to submit to a human shepherd loose cannons, spiritual dwarfs or rebels. It's difficult to leave cause I sincerely considered them a family, however, the system for me has already done subtle yet serious havoc in my life. I left my job for the faith that I am exchanging it for a "far greater and more important work for the advancement of the kingdom" only to realize when I was already involved deeper that there are aspects significant to the system that my conviction can no longer tolerate. My growing disillusionment is getting more difficult to deny so I deliberately decided to take my own exodus. I am now jobless, really hurting and somewhat feel paranoid. Words can't describe the pain I feel inside. Even praying to God seems blank, I have lost all desire to go to church and even my motivation to live has been really affected. But despite of the pain, I am doing my best to get all the strength I can muster to bounce bank. No matter how hard the process i am going through right now,i still hold on to have faith in a benevolent and gracious God."

Travel Stats Continue

Just a quick update on the travel itinerary of the Young Pastoral Elite. In the last month they've crossed the sea to attend ministry related functions having to do with Hillsong. Opportunity has presented itself on the coattails of the enviably popular cousin who is included in the speaker lineup for the Hillsong conferences. I guess they aren't too proud to tag along with their infamous Cosmopolitan Cousin. (How can they stand the subtle gloating and attitude of specialness??)

But meanwhile, back at the home front, the people who are invariably funding these 'ministry missions' are scraping by, paycheck to paycheck, actually working for a living (concept). Some of them losing houses, some having to pay huge tax bills. I wonder what the travel itinerary of the typical ordinary parishioner looks like? Sad to say, most of them are too busy working or, if they do travel beyond their allotted vacation time, it's for an unglamorous work trip.

To those who don't see the error of using funds from a 501 3 c organization (i.e. with tax exempt status) for global galavanting, my ranting may sound like jealousy. If my friends and I were to entertain jealous thoughts, our feelings immediately give way to outrage. We are appalled that this church does not see that what they are doing is any different than what a former Boise Mayor spent jail time over which was using government money to take his employees on nice trips. What's even more incredulous is the people don't see the correlation and think this is all ok!

This is not a jealous rant, this is a reality check. But in the spirit of a true reality check, I must admit life is unfair and justice is painfully slow going. Year after year we watch the church across town revel in their delusion that they are highly blessed of God because they go on so many trips (which include shopping sprees to Harrods and I'm sure the hottest boutique in Paris). How could it not be a blessing from God when they are ushered into the presence of what they deem as greatness or walk the floors where Royals walk?

But in reality, what IS happening? All of the above is funded with the money that hard-working ordinary Americans tithe to the church every week to keep the church afloat, for the work of the ministry. I doubt they designate their offerings to fund global treks to the latest Megachurch conference with a little shopping thrown in.

Why do the people continue to pay the tithe? Is it they are waiting for God to bless them like he seems to be blessing their leaders? They've been taught, by their leaders, that blessing begins at the 'top' and trickles down. Nevermind the scriptures about leadership being 'the servant of all' or 'the first shall be last, the last shall be first'. That hardly factors in - besides, it would interupt the wonderful cashflow.

If only God would remove the scales from the eyes of the people so they can see the truth for what it is - that they are the ones enabling the dysfunction. The Pastoral Elite will continue to travel on the dime of their church as long as the funds are available to be used at their discretion and pave the way for such glorious living.

Doesn't scripture infer that God will recognize those who gave a drink to the thirsty, food to the hungry, clothing and shelter to the poor, taking care of widows and orphans and even prisoners? Do you think he will be interested in the travel itinerary of the rich and famous then? Just wondering...

Yes, God will ask the Pastoral Elite to give an account one day, just as he will ask us all to give an account. But, human nature being what it is, we commoners sure wish they'd have to give an account before then. Can we hope for justice on this side of heaven? I hope God will forgive any wrong motive on our part and consider that a prayer.

2011 Travel Stats of the Young Pastoral Elite

Another year has rolled around and we can't help but notice that the travel pattern of the young pastoral elite across town hasn't diminished during the winter months. Lest you think we are obsessively checking their twitters on a daily basis, weeks may pass without a thought in their direction. Then one day we think to check in and - lo and behold -they've taken 4 trips in a 1-month period!

2/14 Hawaii
2/25 Palm Springs
3/5 - 3/7 NYC
3/7 - On to DC
3/15 -Los Angeles

While their pastors criss cross the United States on a week-to-month basis, do the families that have lost, or could be about to lose, their homes at vortex church ever ask where DO their leaders get the money to travel so much?? (They lost their homes because of bad advice given by the senior pastor who elevated a scammer guy into leadership who scammed these families out of money taken from the equity in their homes. He is now a wanted man in 4 different states - CO, ID, UT, TX!) (BTW, why didn't the pastors all lose their houses too??)

Isn't the congregation at all curious to know whether their tithes and offerings are funding big fluff that masquerades as "ministry"? If they are too afraid to ask, we certainly aren't. But when we pose this question we are branded as jealous with a bitterness problem. I wouldn't say we are jealous, but we are definitely perplexed that God himself is allowing this to continue as if he has bestowed a great blessing upon them.

My fellow detoxer, Non-Celebrity Christian, has been asking another question lately: Why do pastors WANT to travel and get away so much? This is a question for even the Good pastor on our side of town. Do they become restless staying in town with those who support them financially, spiritually and emotionally? The same people who faithfully mind the store while they are away I might add. Is it just too boring to stay in town tending a flock who needs you? Yawn. I am a Global Christian and the world is mine for the taking. Is that it?

This leads us to the next question: Just what is a pastor? The young pastoral elite may fit the definition of the kewl and to-be-envied jetset rat-pack of Christianity today, but I doubt it has alot to do with compassion and tending a flock. When do they have time to take care? I think they've all developed a spiritual hypertention disorder and they are so drunk on their growing numbers that they can't help think they do no wrong. They mistake God's tolerance as His blessing.

Meanwhile, those of us desperate to know that God still loves us and has a plan for our lives other than being minions to pastor-kings, are left wondering if God is really that interested in his reputation anymore. That is my honest and heartfelt question for Him that I hope he someday answers.

Spiritual Temperature and A New Surrender

Journaling again on my spiritual temperature, assessing where I think I stand since leaving the authoritarian style church we left in 2005. Here it is 2011, six years later.

This year I'm finding a new freedom in reading the Bible on a daily basis. Not that I wasn't reading God's word in previous years but because I was determined not to open the book out of christian expectation or legalism, it was no longer an every day obligation like it once was. That was so I knew in my heart when I did reach for His pages it was because I wanted to hear from God, touch base with his thoughts and hear them clearly without the authoritarian voice of the former pastor(s) echoing in my mind. The Lord has been faithful to lead me gently in these last few years giving me lots of space and what feels like His understanding. The Holy Spirit has spoken, convicted me kindly when I needed it, reassured me every time I needed it, just like always throughout my years as a christian.

Daily reading because I'm eager and hungry for 'the new and living way' is becoming a profound joy like it was when I first asked Jesus into my heart. I'm not reading verociously, but taking bite-sized portions to ponder in both the Old Testament and New. I have my own little schedule that I'm surprised I stick to without a group to keep me on track. When I miss a day I'm not uptight about it in the least and I just read a double portion the next day if time allows. It's very personal and not about the corporate setting at all.

Prayer is also an area I needed to relax in so my approach has been the same.

Worship in song has long been personal to me but it too has been redone - still being redone. Let's just say it has been nice to sit quietly before the Lord in my right mind singing thoughtful songs to him without the need to sing each song 10 times to bring God into the room. There is no frenzy left in me. I could write a book on how I feel about that.

I'm still gun-shy about getting involved at a church. I'm ok with attending but my approach has been the same as with bible reading, prayer and worship. Since we left the old church my husband and I have felt it important that I take time to develop my art in the years I have left and work towards certain goals. After years of giving my art second place to the church (actually 3rd after my family) I'm still a little afraid God may ask me to set it aside again to help out at church, which would not only diffuse my focus but set me on a completely different path. There's a reason we've called church a vortex...

That being said, the Holy Spirit brought me to a place of surrender a week or so ago where I actually said to him I would do that (help in a church) if it was his will. It's been more than 6 years since I've been able to say that. Talk about a long surrender. But having done that I have a peace that I'm where I need to be with my art and that he is the Lord of it since I've given him the opportunity to be Lord all along. In the end I only want to serve him with it and hope that the fruit of it is to bring his essence to those my art can touch.

At this point I think I'm to continue pursuing my art outside the church where I feel it's more needed and valued. The church doesn't seem too interested anyway. The only way I could share my heart inside the walls of christian culture is if I could be open and honest about what I've been through, what led us to our exodus from a cult-like church and what I'm feeling now. Church christians don't seem to really want to hear about that even if internet christians do ;-) If Art is a reflection of Life, it will have no depth of substance if we can't be real about life.

Even the whole process of surrender has had to be redone in my life because it was twisted in the old world. Dying to self helped you stay flexible so you could easily be at the eck and call of the pastor who was constantly changing course. If you just died to self then you didn't find yourself so frustrated at the fact he enjoyed changing plans at whim or pitting people who worked for him against each other.

I am crucified with Christ has been or is being restored to its rightful meaning now, so I can have a new sense of trust in the process of surrender. If I'm still a little worried about being trapped again, a peacful trust outshines the fear when I remember Jesus has been with me on this journey and he isn't into jerking me off the path he's been leading me on. He's brought me this far not to send me backward.

So, I think the whole surrender thing is about being willing to be a light for Jesus wherever he leads and making sure my heart is his in everyway. I'm free to come and go. It makes the most sense.

The Revoked Blessing of the Worship Band Tour

It still baffles me when I hear about the goings on at the former church and their affiliates - more directly the unexceptable behavior that the leadership inflicts upon supporters who choose (as free Americans) to attend there. Who is treated worse than anyone are those who have chosen to go on staff, again supportive people thinking they are there to serve the Lord by serving the church. Happily I am no longer there as a subserviant and stepfordized version of myself. Yet, I can't help shake my head when I hear about how people are still being treated there. Why people stay can only be attributed to timing and how much pain can they stand. Afterall, we finally left when the pain of staying became greater than the pain of leaving (wisely pointed out by my dear friend and fellow ship-jumper).

The latest bizarre, yet typical, behavior of former church is the episode of The Revoked Blessing of the Worship Band Tour. Like everything else associated with this church, it's a bit of a quagmire but hopefully I can explain without getting too muddled.

My former church's current primary worship team has been venturing out into the national Christian Community, one gig at a time, to share their brand of songs with a growing following. Since they have great music and noble hearts it's been exciting to see their youthful passion for worship expanding into new realms across the USA. Their manager is the frontman for another successful and thriving worship band who is sharing with them learned about touring. He also just happens to be the pastor's son of the largest church in our city that we have dubbed the Good Church because of its fruitfulness and effectiveness as a church. It's the best example we have seen so far and it's the church we've been attending to detox from the extreme weird world we were once held captive. So you can imagine our surprise when the boys from former church started hanging out with our pastor's son, even leading worship from time to time at the Good Church!

Pastor son/manager helped them set up Tour #1 and they went out with what they thought was the blessing of the leaders in their church. One of the band members told me that their pastors were actually really excited for them and gave them their blessing. I have to admit I was surprised because it's never been former church's style to let people go very far. But then again, as my friends and I discussed this, we realized former church may have thought they were hitching themselves to a rising star, so of course they'd give the blessing.

But now that has apparently changed. Shortly after The Band announced Tour #2, WacWorld Leadership is revoking their blessing and have kicked them off the worship team schedule. Not only that, the frontman for the band was actually employed on staff as a worship leader and they let him go. They actually said "We can't give you our blessing." (What is it about elite pastors who think they invoke blessing like the pope or someone? Shaking my head at that.) Of course, if you know the history of the former church, you know why this was done. But for those of you that don't know the pattern, I'll try to summarize.

It probably rankles that the band is getting notoriety but it isn't helping the church, or more importantly the leadpastor family. If everything you do is supposed to build up the senior pastor and his family (i.e. it's all about them), then you can't be someone successful in their midst if it doesn't ultimately point to them. In other words, the history has been that they tend to frown on success if it doesn't directly affect the church. Also, it must REALLY rankle that the boys play worship for services at the successful church the manager attends (The Good Church) because it is interpreted as non-loyal. If you are actually helping to build up what is considered a rival church, then you have to be cut off like a bad tree branch or something.

The boys seeming haven't realized until now what's really going on beneathe the surface of the lead family's slick, expensively cultivated exterior. They also may not be aware that there is a long line of people who have similar stories, yet with different details. But whether these young men want to admit they have been treated terribly or not, this is a story I felt compelled to put to pen because it shows us once again what happens when leaders have an elevated sense of their own importance.

Which is more Christ-like? Should we speak up about the lead pastor family's bad behavior or should we remain silent and let their actions go unchecked? Jesus spoke up about how he felt concerning the Pharisees treatment of the people who were bringing sacrificial gifts into the house of God and then keeping the best for themselves. He also had a strong reaction to the 'money changers' selling in the temple and raged through with a whip in hand! Then again, when He was on trial for His life he remained silent. If we are to follow his example, I guess we need to look at the circumstances of the situation, ask for guidance and go from there.

These are questions some of us are wrestling with as word reaches us about the goings on at the Church of Questionable Conduct. Meanwhile, the boys in the band are just playing their songs, loving Jesus, loving people wherever they go and I hope they remain free to do just that. I'm sure they are better off not being under the strict jurisdiction and regiment of former church. This is going to be the best thing that could have happened for them and maybe someday they will see it as such and thank the Lord for his merciful intervention.

Quest for the House of God

Jesus will always be the one I worship, my prophet of choice, Saviour, friend, teacher and guide. I would never pass over his living essence for a chunky piece of dead stone, no matter how peaceful and loving the idol-relic rhetoric comes across. It's just not a temptation for me, although I can see how it would be for some, depending on what they've gone through in the christian culture, and whether they feel completely deserted by God in their circumstances.

The spirit of Jesus is like the wind, or sometimes a gentle breeze, according to the need, who wafts in breathing new life with his presence. He's made himself real to me in so many ways throughout my lifetime, that there's no question of leaving him.

Leaving, or not engaging in, christian culture is a different story for me these days. Although I haven't entirely left its sphere, I have been content now to remain on the outer rim of it.

However, I have been wondering what to do about my affinity for the verses of Psalm 27:4-6 that say:

"One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high on a rock...at his tabernacle I will sing and make music to the Lord."

Is that only for people who want to spend time in church culture and be caught up in its orbit? I used to sing these words with more of the church in mind - serving there - my music supposedly being there. But time and circumstance has changed that.

When you feel the Lord has lifted you out of a certain sphere and placed you in another one that isn't by definition the church or its culture, where then is the house of God? I feel no affinity for serving in church, not because of bitterness and unforgiveness (some people automatically think that's the problem), but because I see now that the Lord has lifted me out. But I still feel a kinship for those verses that hold meaning for me even if I'm not sure of the meaning. Maybe the Lord has wanted the meaning redefined all along.

So I've been on a quest to find out what the house of God means to me now.
I know what it no longer can be for me. Especially when the Pastor at the Good Church periodically sounds too much like our former pastor at the Church of Questionable Conduct - that if you aren't doing your part (he calls it doing chores) at your local church you must be in rebellion to God. Like that's really motivating, thanks. I can't wait to jump in now and let you suck my energy bone dry so I have no time left to do my art which is the calling of my life. At the time of this blogpost it's not logistically going to work if I try to do both (just like it wasn't early on when I started this blog). And I don't sense the Lord asking me to lay down my art to walk back into the church to help with that particular family's chores. I've done that already for far too long and have suffered for it. If I do that now, how do I know THAT is not rebellion to what God wants me to do? Besides, if you go by the rebellion-to-God dogma, where is the longsuffering and patient love of God in that?

Jesus said that if two of his followers gather in his name, he is there in the midst. This may be one of the keys to the door of God's house. Where two or more of us encourage each other in faith and hope, pray for each other and with each other, that would be fulfilling the 2 most important commandments according to Jesus when he uttered: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself.

Another thought that has come to mind in the reading Psalm 27 passage again, when I see "at his tabernacle I will sing and make music to the Lord." "At" makes me think of standing next to something, in this case it could be an altar. Wherever you build an altar for the Lord to worship him, wouldn't that be the place of his dwelling and therefore his house? Or how about under the shadow of His wing? When I sing to the Lord even by myself, I feel I've passed through a threshold, walked into a place of worship and communion. When I talk with the Lord wherever I am, I share with him the secrets of my soul, my needs and desires. In so doing, I hand my burden to him in faith that he's taken it since he's promised to shoulder it much better than I ever could. That's the kind of exchange pastors always tell you needs to happen when you go to church. It can happen anywhere though, not just in church services.

Perhaps the spirit of the Lord doesn't WANT to be walled up in a building where communal chores are necessary to keep its household running. Maybe he really IS like the wind that wants to blow where a place of desire and need exist, where it can do most good.

Not to say that can't happen in church too, because I know that's very valid for those who seek refuge in the churches. It was for me at one time. Still can be sometimes. The Lord is never one to turn anyone away, so my guess is he's in both types of houses. For those who like the idea of being part of a family where, sort of like children, they do their chores while the pastor-father oversees (and yes, does his chores too), that's great for them. But to assume we all need to be there when some of us have spread our wings and flown the nest, isn't that a bit presumptuous? That's like telling my adult children what they are doing out in the world beyond our home isn't as valid as coming back into the fold and helping us keep our household running.

My hope is that the house of God dwells within us, wherever we may be, as we seek his face and he touches our lives. Like that beautiful painting of the finger of God touching the finger of man, both reaching to one another in need and desire, the Spirit of God gives sustenance and breath to help us keep on living, enabling us to follow the path of destiny he's given us without fear and distraction. Walking in harmony and communion with him is his house because he is our father, teacher, saviour and friend. That seems right to me, but since this is a quest, I'm open to adjusting anything out of harmony with the scriptures.