Bible Study

Jesus on the Emmaus Road

I'm in a weekly Bible study not associated with any particular church, although it's held at a church and strongly advises participation in a local church.  It's been around for 50 years or so.  Each year the course covers a different book, or books depending on the study.  Rather than a topical study, we examine each book, chapter by chapter through a 4-step approach: 

Answer daily lesson questions on your own.                                                                                                Discuss your insights in a conversation with members of your discussion group.
Listen to a lecture that explains the passage, key principles from the lesson and the relevance of the Bible's truth to today's world.
Read lesson notes that further elaborate on the passage.

Both the notes and the lecture will often various interpretations of a scripture or a doctrine if it's commonly discussed. 

This is my 2nd year.  My friend had attended 2 or 3 prior years, desperate for spiritual input, a few years after leaving the former church and she was getting so much out of it, I finally had to try it for myself!  Last year was the study of Genesis and this year the book of Matthew.  How appropriate for someone like me who feels like a first grader again (after realizing what we had been taught for years may be 'slightly' off.  Cough) to start with the first books of the Old and New Testament.  Anyway, I'm loving this consistency of opening my Bible (and Bible Gateway App) in the morning, looking up scripture, aswering study questions after a few days of reading study notes and praying about whatever the Holy Spirit highlights for me that day.  As any student of scripture would know, you do so at your own risk because it eventually shines a light on your heart in ways you don't usually see coming.  Sigh. I mean, Clap! 

I feel really good about this expository type of approach to the Bible.  After years of not taking responsibility for my own spirituality, it's like finding water in a dry and weary land.  Too bad churches wouldn't use this method for weekly corporate services, but then again, maybe some do.  In my limited yet lengthly experience, the pastor has opted for a topical approach more often than not.  Not saying topical study is wrong - I love following a word like faith or fear through the Bible using a Strong's Concordance and jotting down the verses that will help me later.  We even have a Naves Topical Bible sitting in our bookcase.  But when the pastor-preacher-teacher chooses a topical presentation over expository methods most of the time, doesn't it give more opportunity to promote his or her interpretation of scripture which can easily lead to manipulation or personal agenda? 

In lecture style teaching with no audience participation or accountability, we the listeners take in what's given, often without question, because it's easier than doing the work of follow-through.  Just listening makes it so easy for us to go on our merry way till we come to sit and listen again, entertainment style, next week.  Don't we realize we are thus giving one man, or woman, the power to spoon-feed his thoughts and beliefs to us?  If we were to have a question, or beg to differ, how would that scenario play out?  How well would it go if we were to go up to the pastor at the end of the service, or write him an email during the week, and say I think you may be off the mark here? 

All that to say, this in-depth study of the word in a non-denominational setting has been slowly restoring me to spiritual health, if I ever was spiritually healthy in the first place.  In taking my spiritual temperature at this juncture, I can see how the Word is at least bringing me back to life spiritually.  I'm still prone to steer clear of organized church which is so socially unexceptable in the Christian Community across the board these days.  And yes, I am tempted to put my hands over my ears so I won't run out screaming when the teacher in the main session at Bible Study plugs the local church and how important it is .  If she only knew what a trigger that is for some of us.  And hey, if a church exists that didn't threaten to TAKE ME OVER hook, line and sinker with its own agenda-vision-projects and meetings, I might be open to participating once again in an organized community.  But for now, I'm loving the freedom of my 2 sweet friends and I studying together each week (with a little lunch follow-up after), relearning the heart and soul of the God we've chosen to follow; and that is Community enough for me right now. 

Reclaiming the Church One Story at a Time

We've noticed a marked increase of people making an exodus from toxic mega churches and eventually writing their stories online, how they were mistreated by the former leaders they were devoted to.  Accounts of abuse that make you shiver and shake your head in wonder.  The question that begs to be asked is "what has happened to the Church and why are we allowing this malevolence to kidnap it?"

One such story is on a new blog called Joyful Exiles (http://joyfulexiles.com/) by Paul and Jonna Petry, a former elder couple on staff at Mars Hill.  Paul was “wrongly fired by Driscoll for attempting to curb Mark’s power by opposing structual changes and new bylaws that were being pushed through by Mark” (Brent Detwiler explains on yet a different blog) – these bylaws, by the way, were to give Mark complete access to the money and decision making without dissent.  Since Paul is a lawyer he includes extensive documentation and resources (which we all can appreciate even if we may not have time to read all that), and Jonna’s story goes into the heart of all they went through there and the 4 years since they left.  The tone of the blog isn't vindictive, but instead sincere and heartfelt.

Interesting that it has taken 4 years to feel free tell their story.  Jonna says she couldn't tell it before now.  She didn't say she needed detox, but our guess she needed time to heal before moving confidently into the next phase of life.  Even after 6 or 7 years for us, I'm losing count, we still benefit from rounds of talk therapy since we left our church.  Healing has come, bit by bit, yet lingering affects of how we were treated can surface without warning.  The major surgery took place when we recognized we were participating in deception then fled the compound (which wasn't as easy as it sounds) but we still see that the Lord is tweaking us and removing wrong concepts about Him that were deeply embedded in our psyche.   You don't even know you still think a certain way till you are confronted with a circumstance that reminds you of the past.  Anyway, I hope that the Petry's are free to take all the time they need to detox and heal.  Not that there won't be 'ministry' opportunity along the way - we can all help others as we heal. 

Stories like these inevitably turn our thoughts to the current state of the Church.  It seems to be generally accepted now that pastors should be given almost exclusive access to the money and decision making and need to surround themselves with yes men who aim to please.  It has produced a climate that instead of ripe for harvest is ripe for leader types with fatal character flaws driven by personal ambition.  The body of Christ cheers this on since there is nothing new under the sun and people want a leader they can feel and see.  We are no different than Ancient Israel in the Old Testament who preferred Saul over Samuel.  We have naively handed the Church over to sociopathic dictator types who gladly seize the opportunity.

What some of us came to discern in the last 10 years, some earlier, is now becoming obvious to those who are under the abusive jurisdiction of the Mark Driscolls who behave no better than spoiled brats, kicking and screaming, bullying, to get their way.  From the outside looking in, it seems pathetic and derranged; but the insiders, thousands who attend his churches, seem clueless and smitten as if in love.   

At least many are seeing the truth according to the stories coming from a host of disillusioned and shocked people now in exodus mode.  It only seemed like yesterday when we were reading glowing reports of Mark's avante garde leadership.  He was certainly the new cool.  Now the truth of who he is leaking out into the vastness of cyberspace.  He not only dishes out way to much information about his private marriage bed in his recent sex book (??), stunning reports of mandatory shunning of those deemed disobedient have emerged, complete with church discipline contracts, like a new wave of revelation.

All that to say, if people finally see the light and leave these types of churches in droves, the remnant church growing on the interet and beyond will eventually be the new normal.  Instead of our scarlet letter B for Bitterness, we will be labeled The Throng who dares take back possession what is rightfully ours, our true identity in Christ (because of Jesus shed blood for us and only because of that).  Why have we allowed these tyrannical sociopaths to take over and tell us how to be Christians? They resemble Jesus no more than the Pharisees did back in His day.  We should know better than to follow anyone who esteems him/herself too highly as the chosen elite.  Jesus isn't about that at all.

It will be interesting to see what the next 10 years brings - what state the body of Christ will find herself in.  What will the next exodus be?  If it's Mark Driscoll this year, will it be Joel in Texas next year?  Joel is way sweet - such a nice guy so I can't imagine him bullying anyone.  However, what we heard from his wife could make your head spin.  It's not a prediction, I'm just wondering.  Perhaps church as we've known it will no longer exist.  One thing we keep coming back to in our talk therapy discussions, we can never, and will never, worship a pastor again.  We'd rather go without and stay safe near the Lord, under the shadow of His wing. 

With every strategy Lucifer has employed down through history, he eventually overplays his hand and tips us off that he's behind the evil schemes.  This one seems to be quite the tangled web.  We know he's behind it all.  The body of Christ looks like a mess.  Me included.  People are wounded right and left by leaders in particular.  But Jesus said in Matthew 10:26 "there is nothing covered that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known."  He's the only one who can untangle the mess now.  He's the only one we can look to and trust.  He's the only one who can give the Church her identity back.  But in order to do so, alot has to be revealed and uncovered.  Maybe if enough of us speak up and tell our stories, we, the Church, will operate in a spirit worthy of our calling and in the anointing both Isaiah and Jesus spoke of in the scriptures (Isaiah 61 and Luke 4). 

Those are my rambling thoughts for today.

Spiritual Temperature and A New Surrender

Journaling again on my spiritual temperature, assessing where I think I stand since leaving the authoritarian style church we left in 2005. Here it is 2011, six years later.

This year I'm finding a new freedom in reading the Bible on a daily basis. Not that I wasn't reading God's word in previous years but because I was determined not to open the book out of christian expectation or legalism, it was no longer an every day obligation like it once was. That was so I knew in my heart when I did reach for His pages it was because I wanted to hear from God, touch base with his thoughts and hear them clearly without the authoritarian voice of the former pastor(s) echoing in my mind. The Lord has been faithful to lead me gently in these last few years giving me lots of space and what feels like His understanding. The Holy Spirit has spoken, convicted me kindly when I needed it, reassured me every time I needed it, just like always throughout my years as a christian.

Daily reading because I'm eager and hungry for 'the new and living way' is becoming a profound joy like it was when I first asked Jesus into my heart. I'm not reading verociously, but taking bite-sized portions to ponder in both the Old Testament and New. I have my own little schedule that I'm surprised I stick to without a group to keep me on track. When I miss a day I'm not uptight about it in the least and I just read a double portion the next day if time allows. It's very personal and not about the corporate setting at all.

Prayer is also an area I needed to relax in so my approach has been the same.

Worship in song has long been personal to me but it too has been redone - still being redone. Let's just say it has been nice to sit quietly before the Lord in my right mind singing thoughtful songs to him without the need to sing each song 10 times to bring God into the room. There is no frenzy left in me. I could write a book on how I feel about that.

I'm still gun-shy about getting involved at a church. I'm ok with attending but my approach has been the same as with bible reading, prayer and worship. Since we left the old church my husband and I have felt it important that I take time to develop my art in the years I have left and work towards certain goals. After years of giving my art second place to the church (actually 3rd after my family) I'm still a little afraid God may ask me to set it aside again to help out at church, which would not only diffuse my focus but set me on a completely different path. There's a reason we've called church a vortex...

That being said, the Holy Spirit brought me to a place of surrender a week or so ago where I actually said to him I would do that (help in a church) if it was his will. It's been more than 6 years since I've been able to say that. Talk about a long surrender. But having done that I have a peace that I'm where I need to be with my art and that he is the Lord of it since I've given him the opportunity to be Lord all along. In the end I only want to serve him with it and hope that the fruit of it is to bring his essence to those my art can touch.

At this point I think I'm to continue pursuing my art outside the church where I feel it's more needed and valued. The church doesn't seem too interested anyway. The only way I could share my heart inside the walls of christian culture is if I could be open and honest about what I've been through, what led us to our exodus from a cult-like church and what I'm feeling now. Church christians don't seem to really want to hear about that even if internet christians do ;-) If Art is a reflection of Life, it will have no depth of substance if we can't be real about life.

Even the whole process of surrender has had to be redone in my life because it was twisted in the old world. Dying to self helped you stay flexible so you could easily be at the eck and call of the pastor who was constantly changing course. If you just died to self then you didn't find yourself so frustrated at the fact he enjoyed changing plans at whim or pitting people who worked for him against each other.

I am crucified with Christ has been or is being restored to its rightful meaning now, so I can have a new sense of trust in the process of surrender. If I'm still a little worried about being trapped again, a peacful trust outshines the fear when I remember Jesus has been with me on this journey and he isn't into jerking me off the path he's been leading me on. He's brought me this far not to send me backward.

So, I think the whole surrender thing is about being willing to be a light for Jesus wherever he leads and making sure my heart is his in everyway. I'm free to come and go. It makes the most sense.

Taking My Spiritual Temperature

I thought to check in since I've recently taken my spiritual temperature, which most of us do from time to time, especially at the beginning of each year, just to make sure we aren't straying from Jesus - 'examine yourself', the Bible encourages. But in taking my own temperature, I think it's only fair to wisely take stalk in what's going on around me - it's part of being prudent - because as we are all observing lately, the body of Christ isn't exemplifying what the Bible specifies in many areas. That has a bearing on what I decide about where I fit or don't fit etc. No one else is able to decide that for me. Not even a pastor.

(NOTE: As the writer of Detox Church Group I can only tell you where I'm at. My detox friends seem to be in a similar place, but it wouldn't be fair to speak for them since they each have the intelligence and writing gifts to speak for themselves.)

I still find I need to know Jesus is near, hear his voice, and am gladly open to the input of the Holy Spirit. I still find the Bible is a source of comfort, direction and strength, although there are some passages I have to put off for later when I'm ready. The Holy Spirit has a timing about reteaching what I learned from the old church and I've found if I wait till I'm ready, it's redone in such a thorough and profound way!

I find I'm still no closer to becoming involved in the Christian Culture than I was the last time I posted and still feel quite content to keep it at arms length. I know this must come across as anti-Christian which I'm not, but I am leary of many Christians. There are many reasons for that, which you have read about here on this blog.

I still like to listen to the Good Preacher speak at the Good Church, whether on local tv or in the foyer, but still feel no affinity to the Good Church itself as in taking ownership and doing stuff there. Because if I did stuff there it would only be out of obligatory christian expectation. That expectation doesn't seem to come from the pastor or his sweet wife, but the vibe is there in others. Still, I'm thrilled The Good Church exists and feel free to come and go. I'm still aware that no one misses me just like I don't miss them. The first few years I was there, I'd friend-request some of the worship team from the Good Church on MySpace, and later on Twitter, and I was virtually ignored every time. So, obviously the interest just isn't there. I thought "Ok, guess I'm not interested in you either!" Then I thought "How freeing is that?!" So, I guess I have learned, once again, what a closed door feels like, and it is closed (for me) at the Good Church. And I'm ok with that especially since the Lord has opened other musical doors for me outside the church. (Lest you think I'm merely too lazy to get involved at church, my time is taken with all it takes to do what I do. Otherwise, maybe God would have me do the work there. It's just not my path.)

As I check the spiritual temp of the Christian Culture from where I stand, locally and online, I still get the vibe that to be a spiritual person you must be 'plugged in' and involved at a church, must have a pastor you are under, and that speaking out or asking questions that beg to be asked still equates unforgiveness. I feel this even at The Good Church. Yet, I'm so impressed how this church reaches out to the lost, the addicted, and to the poor on a regular basis - it's amazing and commendable. But there is still a culture threshhold that one must cross to feel at home there. Like anywhere else, you must look and sound similar to what's going on there to 'fit in'. Maybe that is just group mentality no matter where you go, not just in churches. At least it's not controlling and legalistic like some places I know. So, since I have a choice, I'd just rather not have to fit in.

The hard part about taking the Bible at its word is you want to duplicate what it says, like about the kind of culture we should be, but that doesn't seem to exist here on earth. Even so, everybody seems to be looking for it. At least we know that in Heaven IT will be there and it will be what we were longing for on earth.

What is God doing with the body of Christ at large concerning this culture thing? This group mentality seems to be everywhere. Speaking, and acting on, the party line has never been so prevelant. But is God just leaving us to our own devices or is he in the process of intervening in a slow patient way? As it stands now, much of the church seems so separate from the rest of the world and is becoming more and more unrelateable?

If God wanted to sift the church from group think/group speak, how would he do it?

Does he desire to bring the culture down to a size we can fit in--like a bunch of little groups? Maybe we aren't supposed to even form little groups. Maybe just have friends who help each other without calling ourselves anything.

If you were God and trying to change a culture (without destroying the whole thing in one fatal sweep) that had morphed into something that no longer reflected your original goal, how would you dismantel it and how long would it take?

We've all observed how the Lord, in his mercy, seems to take a long time to do anything because he doesn't want to lose anyone in the process, so it wouldn't happen over night. Apart from the rapture which will happen overnight, so to speak, would you just call people out from the morphed failed project and start anew? I don't know, I'm just thinking, just wondering what HE thinks of all this. (I'm sure there are a bunch of prophetic types who think they know what he thinks, but I'm really only interested in what he thinks, not in what they think. That said, I am open to discussion - just not 'thus sayeth the Lord prophetic words' on the subject, if you get my drift! )

So, just checking in to say I'm still a Christian but still gun-shy of many who bear the name and have become very careful of my interactions and conversations with them. At the same time, I realize I have to be careful to remain open to each individual the Holy Spirit may bring my way and regard that person as valuable to the Lord and to myself. And to pray for patience and humility. . ."But for the grace of God go I." Because I was there on that merry-go-round at one time too.