DeTox Church Group

Halloween Sanctions of the New Pastoral Elite

2011-11-04T17:12:00.000-06:00

I have nothing against Christians letting their kids trick or treat or have halloween parties. Apparently the progeny of our former pastor have no problem with it either. Now that halloween is sanctioned by the First Family of a World That Shouldn’t Matter, we can add it to the list of contradictions (that we’ve been keeping handy for later use). Their autocratic rules have changed direction one more time. Really, it wouldn’t even matter except that the former rules were often mandated with such authoritarian forboding which basically boils down to a form of intimidation.

It just sorta rankles that the years our kids were growing up halloween was such a big no no at The Former Church, so in order to take our kids trick or treating we had to sneak since it was considered participating in the devil’s holiday. We didn’t really sneak it - we just didn’t advertise - because we figured what overly concerned Christians don’t know wouldn’t hurt them. In an effort to grant kids an alternative to trick or treating, I think the church had parties some years but the costumes had to have a biblical theme. Our kids didnt’ attend since we were so busy sneaking them around our neighborhood because we never had a conviction that the Lord was telling us not to connect with our neighbors. By the way, it was a really great way to mingle with the neighborhood - we handed out candy from our door and we took our kids around to their houses too - and there was no other time of year when that happened so easily without being contrived. And we actually found out who lived around us.

I guess I’m just whining a little that our years of halloween weren’t as free and fun-loving as they could have been without Christian judgment glaring at us from churchland. To the contrary, the New Aristocracy seems to be frolicking in halloween delight! They not only participate in the festivities, they’ve jumped in with both feet decorating their kids and their houses and tweeting prolifically about it - as leaders of the church. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that” since they must be making up for all those years they had to dress up like Moses or the Virgin Mary and couldn’t just have a normal trick or treat night like the rest of America.

So my question is, if they keep rewriting all the rules that they were mandating before, what are they mandating now that they will be loosening up on in years to come? How about the undercover doctrine for instance? If they think they have so much authority in peoples’ lives TODAY maybe they should rethink it NOW instead of intruding on peoples’ private lives and misleading them for years with their unhealthy concept of God and all that He stands for. Otherwise, in the end, people who finally get free of them will be ranting about them just like I am ranting now about the intimidations of their tyannical parents.

Two Excellent Interviews on The New Apostolic Reformation

2011-10-06T16:23:00.000-06:00

In case anyone is interested and you haven’t come across these interviews yet, they are definitely worth a listen:

My blogger buddy and friend Freeatlast and I have been listening to a couple interviews on NPR by Terry Gross on Fresh Air about the NAR - the New Apostolic Reformation led by C. Peter Wagner - its mission and possible effect on American politics. One of the online articles opens with:

A new charismatic Christian movement that seeks to take dominion over politics, business and culture in preparation for the end times and Jesus’ return is becoming more of a presence in American politics. The leaders are considered apostles and prophets, gifted by God for this role. Several apostles affiliated with the movement helped organize or spoke at Rick Perry’s August prayer rally, The Response.

Listening gives you even more insight than reading the articles (the articles being only a summary). The first interview is with Rachel Tabachnick, who discusses the growing influence of the NAR in the political world. She has been researching and writing about the apostles for a decade and has her own blog call NARWatch and contributes to another blog called Talk To Action. The second interview is with Peter Wagner himself - his quiet grandfatherly tones leave you wondering how such a nice man came to pick up the idea that he has been appointed by God as Christianity’s modern day Apostle when he actually spent 30 years as a professor at Fuller Theological Seminary so it’s not like he hasn’t studied the scriptures. Somewhere along the line he decided his interpretation of scripture contains new revelation. (hmmm- who does that remind you of? Oh ya, Joseph Smith!) He’s been the mentor and leader to certain special prophets in the NAR such as Dutch Sheets, Cindy Jacobs, Chuck Pierce and Lou Engle. They have been, and could be still, considered ‘under his authority’. He says they are aligned apostolically. His resume also includes Co-founder of the World Prayer Center in Colorado Springs with Ted Haggard. And oh yes, that is part of the discussion in the interview you won’t want to miss.

One more thing - the interview touches on 40 days of light over DC as something these folks are involved in so i looked it up and found this from RightWingWatch.org:

John Benefiel, Cindy Jacobs, and others will be returning to DC this fall for forty days of prayer through something called “DC 40: Forty Days of Light Over D.C” through which they will lay spiritual “seige” to the city and the nation in general -

The organizers say this about it:

The purpose of this siege is to change the atmosphere over the city of Washington D.C. through our worship, preparing the way for our legislators to function on a different playing field as we release 40 days of light over the city.

I know they think they mean well - but spiritual siege? Just saying - these types are serious in their agenda to change what it means to be a Christian. Maybe those who beg to differ should stage a different kind of “Occupy” protest to distinguish true believers of the original gospel from those who take great liberty to rewrite scripture and appoint themselves as Apostles of our faith.

The Faith Component

2011-07-22T15:59:00.000-06:00

There's been a lively discussion on CityBusinessChurch blog called Let us have this debate again and after reading through for days and considering both sides (as much as I can since I'm already a believer in Christ), I wrote out my own conclusion to what this type of discussion ultimately brings me to. So thought to copy it here so I can refer to it in the future if needed. That's one of the reasons I like having a blog - it's a great place to record and save your thoughts. Anyway, here is my comment:

Detox Church Group said:
July 22nd, 2011 at 1:14 pm
As for chiming in - this type of discussion ultimately takes me to the faith component to any belief system. I believe that Jayjacque touched on it earlier. Anyway, it would take as much faith for me to become an atheist as it does to remain a believer in Christ’s deity.
For some background - I’ve been in relationship with who I perceive as the Spirit of Jesus since my senior year of high school. I came to that by a series of events unique to my life, arranged by something that knew what was going on with me at the time. If I wrote about those events it may not mean anything to the reader, but the way my life unfolded in a series of days - weeks - revealed to me that the Lord is personally “acquainted with all my ways” as the Psalmist David mentions in Psalm 139.

Call me delusional, a complete loon for fabricating a lifetime bond in my mind, but if it takes faith to believe one way or other, I’d rather use my energy to believe in a Someone who actually assists me through life. The alternative is to believe I’m on my own as a random sack of DNA with no consequence beyond my breath - a few years muddled through on this earth.

Whether it be by the answers (results) to prayers I’ve prayed or the sense of calm I feel by the thought of his presence, the spirit of Christ has been a consistent guide throughout the progress of my life. The Bible has been a key, but not the only one, to my connection with God. It has conveyed God’s attributes, good or bad, even if raising questions due to the barbaric account of OT Jewish history. We have to consider that man has progressed from primitive ways and even if we aren’t completely able to cohabit the earth without war and pillage to this date, we’ve come a long way. It’s a war of good vs evil within us all that remains our struggle. Because we’ve changed over time we aren’t locked into patterning our lives according to the ways of the people who lived during the times the various books in the Bible were written - both old and new testament. I choose to believe that God understands that and would like us to use wisdom and discernment in how we live out our faith according to the times we live in. Could it be that he dealt in barbaric ways with a barbaric people because that is the only way they knew to that date?

I have to admit whether the Bible is historically accurate to the word or not doesn’t seem to diminish how it helps me on a personal level. Even though I read through the OT occasionally when I feel like it, I don’t usually turn to it for comfort and strength, especially after years in an authoritarian church that patterned itself after the OT (giving new meaning to loony if you ask me). But Psalms, Proverbs, Eccl, even the book of Job speak to me - all written before Christ and I turn to many NT texts that were all written because Jesus Christ lived. But I also turn to secular, non-biblical texts for encouragement. Movies and music also give me a shot in the arm when I need it.

If I were to approach God on a purely intellectual level (laughable considering how little I know!), the barbaric accounts would certainly give me more of a pause, but since my approach to him is beyond the cranial, I guess I trust in his intelligence and love even though the writings he gave us were in the limitation of the timeframe they were penned. Since I also come to him by my spirit which may sound a bit loonish, I guess there’s a need to know I’m more than my head. If we aren’t merely physical beings and we exhibit spiritual qualities, maybe that’s not so crazy. Try as we may, nourishment to the mind and body can’t always satisfy what is spirit within us, although that is only noticeable over time when one discovers something missing within. It’s the faith component that helps us know we possess on unseen essence of spirit. We see the result of our spirit in our ability to be generous, extend kindness, choose to love, all of which require that we think beyond ourselves to the needs of others. God too is an unseen essence of spirit. He has been likened to the wind - we see its evidence in the trees blowing and in the study of meterology, etc. We may not see him but we see the evidence of his benevolence all around us. One person may interpret that evidence as only man’s doing; but another may see it as the hand of God influencing mankind. Either way, there is a faith component contributing to the belief.

If it takes faith to believe in ourselves alone or to believe in a creator who loves us and cares what happens to us, I figure I may as well employ that faith on the side of who I believe to be God. Furthermore, if a gift of eternal life is offered with stipulations (through, as the story goes, the acceptance of Jesus as God’s son who gave his life on earth in exchange for our ultimate separation from God), I’d rather err on the side of believing it’s true. If I were to die and find out it is indeed true, I’d be happy I fought to keep my faith in Jesus intact. If I were to choose to not accept the gift with its stipulations and then die and find out that Jesus turned out to be just another guy with no power to save, what harm did it do me to believe it in earthly life? It helped me through all the rough times, gave me joy and security in the knowledge I am loved. Sure, I’d be stunned and disappointed but maybe not if it turned out the last breath I took was indeed the end of me. What if I chose to not accept the gift and when I die it turns out to be what I should have done? Then it would be a fatal error. Not saying I believe only from fear, but it does come into play ever so slightly as I’m choosing one side or the other.

I guess we can conclude it is a gamble. I suppose none of will have ABSOLUTE proof till we each take our last breath. Meanwhile, we each have the component of faith in whatever it is we choose to believe.

Payment for Services Rendered

2011-07-02T18:24:00.010-06:00

While cleaning my window blinds this afternoon (by myself because I can't afford to have a housekeeping service) a new thought occurred to me about why the church across town allows their pastor leaders to live a lifestyle of the Up-and-Coming Elite in good conscience. Till now, when they cross my mind, I've been perplexed, wondering how they can justify the senior pastor family freely accessing the money provided by the weekly tithes and endless extra offerings to use as their personal expense accounts.

Since I'm cleaning, I can't help but wonder if each member of the family employs a housekeeper (one for each household). If not that, then they at least have a volunteer come once a week so they are getting free housecleaning - no harm in that other than for the poor schmuck who then has to go home and clean her own house, again for free. It's been said that the senior pastor household has their grocery shopping done for them (eyeroll). The younger set loves to shop, we know that. Maybe not for groceries, but there is plenty of evidence that clothes shopping is a favorite pastime.

The question always begs to be asked: What do the faithful tithers think of the fact that the money they give to run the ministry is used to keep their pastors in expensive houses, cars and clothes when other fastidious ministers can't afford luxuries with the allowances given to them by their churches.

As I mused, a little light flickered on. I realized the tithers justify it as paying their pastors for services rendered. They think they are giving in obedience to God's word - or what they think they know to be God's word but all they are really doing is paying for something they want their pastors to do for them.

Their tithe:
1)pays for a bi-weekly commentary on the Bible (is it so they don't have to study it themselves?); 2)pays for a false sense of security as in a covering (if you are under the leader's canopy then Satan can't get to you as easily);
3)pays for their pastors to look successful so Christianity is attractive to non-believers, especially to those with money and position.

Much like Prince William and his new bride appear beautiful and dignified, the royal pastor clan must have an allure of importance and presence everywhere they go. The faithful tithers are paying for this assurance. They are paying to feel like they are important by association. I really have no bone to pick with them for doing so, other than this church claims tax exempt status as a 501 3 C non-profit organization. Seems like that fact alone could warrent that the money be used in ways to profit others beyond the pastor family.

As I pondered this, I couldn't help but remember what I had read in the Gospel of Mark earlier in the day about the rich young man who wanted to inherit eternal life. It paints such a different picture than my musings of pastoral affluence. Here's what I read:

The Rich and the Kingdom of God
17 As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. “Good teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
18 “Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone. (19) You know the commandments: ‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, you shall not defraud, honor your father and mother.’”
20 “Teacher,” he declared, “all these I have kept since I was a boy.”
21 Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
22 At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth.
23 Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!”
24 The disciples were amazed at his words. But Jesus said again, “Children, how hard it is to enter the kingdom of God! (25) It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”
26 The disciples were even more amazed, and said to each other, “Who then can be saved?”
27 Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.”
28 Then Peter spoke up, “We have left everything to follow you!”
29 “Truly I tell you,” Jesus replied, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel (30) will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life. (31) But many who are first will be last, and the last first.”

If Jesus wanted us to live like kings wouldn't he have said so? Instead he emphasizes how a rich lifestyle is in conflict with living for God. Of course, then I remember that those who believe in the prosperity doctrine use these same verses (29 and 30) as text to validate their position on the accumulation of earthly possessions - when in fact the text says if you sacrifice for God it will be made up to you somehow but not without earthly troubles. I think the key word there is 'sacrifice' and you certainly don't see a lot of that going on in prosperity gospel circles.

Oh well, at least my mini revelation helps me see why the faithful tithers keep giving to the black hole across town, and why the pastor leaders can sleep at night.

While I slave away vacuuming wood window blinds, I think it could be worse - I could be cleaning 2 houses instead of just one. (If I ever do that it will be for my parents who could use the help.) So today, I'm counting my blessings once again that I am free from the old world. Yes, I still think about it, processing the affects of being in there way too long. Even so, I'd rather be doing this than be in that orbit of delusion paying someone else to do and be something that I should have been doing and being for myself all along.

And I can't help but lament that I used to be there doing what they do. The old saying is so utterly true, "But for the grace of God, go I". Or how about "Once I was blind but now I see."?

Cash Machines for Christ

2011-06-24T00:13:00.004-06:00

The caption under this twitter pic reads:

Things I love about (insert name of church here): ATM in the Lobby of Church!

This was tweeted by one of the pastor types at the former vortex church we attended.

Need I say more?

Red Flag Warnings

2011-06-03T14:03:00.011-06:00

Too bad the red flags we came across over the years in our former church worlds didn't have more obvious indicators that something was wrong. Take this red flag across the path for instance. How nice it would have been to see a big red flag over the threshhold of the vortex sanctuary. Or how about "Danger! You are listening to an imposter!" on the big media screens strobing behind the pastor king while he rants about unity (i.e. cloning himself so we'd all be on the same page.) It would've been great to see a huge fire truck complete with clanging bell and horn resounding in the parking lot when everyone showed up for prayer on Saturday night! Why not a strapping fireman with a bull horn warning "Step away from the door!" so we would have chosen to go somewhere fun with our families to actually help BUILD a stronger relationship instead of yet another night in a windowless sanctum?

Oh well, even though the flags didn't flash obvious danger signals, the good news is we eventually got the message. Even though we still cringe when we wonder how many red flags did we need to see before we knew to get the heck out of there?! (a life-long lament to be sure)

An anonomous person dropped by the other day and left a compelling comment on my Spiritual Temperature and A New Surrender post that I'd like to highlight in its own post. By way of collecting testimonies like this, those of us out here (who are now outside the camp so to speak Hebrews 13:12-14) can keep record of this surprising 'new' (for some of us it's new!) movement that is indeed coming into its own, a new move of God if we dare to say. Many of us are fed up with what Christian Culture has become to us and have decided we no longer have to live within its confines if it's in one of the abusive environments. We no longer desire to follow a wrong gospel. We've seen numerous red flags that all added up and now realize it is the Lord himself removing us from the danger zone! He called us out to RESCUE OUR FAITH! We are finding that God is still with us and moving in our midst despite the threats the old world tried to contain us with, telling us God would remove his blessing from us if we ventured outside 'the covering' (gag). (Side note: Their version of covering completely COVERED US UP! The only COVERING we need is Jesus. It goes without saying that we can find joy in healthy relationships and friendships, but they don't cover us!)

And here we are, actually blessing one another with encouragement and support! Talk about a church without walls! I'm not talking about Paula White who desecrated the concept by naming her church that, using it to garner wages to jump in the pipeline of the rich and famous! To the contrary, wouldn't you say that phrase describes the church on the internet?! So glad to finally take the cult out of culture if you get my drift. I'm so grateful to find other brothers and sisters on various blogs who have stumbled on to the truth of God's love and that HE needs no walls to keep his church going. HE is without limitation! It's enough to make the abusive church leaders weep and gnash their teeth because it's so beyond their control! They just can't stop it!

Anyway, to the topic at hand which is our new friend's comment. Sounds like he or she has abandoned ship or is about to... thank GOD either way! A hardy congratulations he is free from that particular 'pipeline'! Please say a prayer for this person to find a new job, a thriving livelihood and true fulfillment on this side of heaven, because it sounds like he had to sacrifice his job to leave. Many of us know the feeling. It WILL get better, I hope he can grab onto that and rebuild his hope. So here goes:

"Thank you for creating this blog. It's very comforting to read in the internet many stories from former members of abusive churches share their own testimonies.

I was in a word of faith movement and I left the group just recently because the red flags I am experiencing is already too intense to ignore. I was looking for a refuge from the abusive atmosphere in my family only to be trapped in a spiritual group wherein the system is also abusive. I bought into the lie that "the cause" is the most important mission of a christian. I gave in to the false promise that you have to be in the "right pipeline" if you want to experience the fullness of God's blessings and I obeyed out of fear that you have to be in the "right boat" to ride the big wave otherwise you will be left behind. Charismatic preachers name call those christians who don't want to submit to a human shepherd loose cannons, spiritual dwarfs or rebels. It's difficult to leave cause I sincerely considered them a family, however, the system for me has already done subtle yet serious havoc in my life. I left my job for the faith that I am exchanging it for a "far greater and more important work for the advancement of the kingdom" only to realize when I was already involved deeper that there are aspects significant to the system that my conviction can no longer tolerate. My growing disillusionment is getting more difficult to deny so I deliberately decided to take my own exodus. I am now jobless, really hurting and somewhat feel paranoid. Words can't describe the pain I feel inside. Even praying to God seems blank, I have lost all desire to go to church and even my motivation to live has been really affected. But despite of the pain, I am doing my best to get all the strength I can muster to bounce bank. No matter how hard the process i am going through right now,i still hold on to have faith in a benevolent and gracious God."

Travel Stats Continue

2011-05-13T14:27:00.007-06:00

Just a quick update on the travel itinerary of the Young Pastoral Elite. In the last month they've crossed the sea to attend ministry related functions having to do with Hillsong. Opportunity has presented itself on the coattails of the enviably popular cousin who is included in the speaker lineup for the Hillsong conferences. I guess they aren't too proud to tag along with their infamous Cosmopolitan Cousin. (How can they stand the subtle gloating and attitude of specialness??)

But meanwhile, back at the home front, the people who are invariably funding these 'ministry missions' are scraping by, paycheck to paycheck, actually working for a living (concept). Some of them losing houses, some having to pay huge tax bills. I wonder what the travel itinerary of the typical ordinary parishioner looks like? Sad to say, most of them are too busy working or, if they do travel beyond their allotted vacation time, it's for an unglamorous work trip.

To those who don't see the error of using funds from a 501 3 c organization (i.e. with tax exempt status) for global galavanting, my ranting may sound like jealousy. If my friends and I were to entertain jealous thoughts, our feelings immediately give way to outrage. We are appalled that this church does not see that what they are doing is any different than what a former Boise Mayor spent jail time over which was using government money to take his employees on nice trips. What's even more incredulous is the people don't see the correlation and think this is all ok!

This is not a jealous rant, this is a reality check. But in the spirit of a true reality check, I must admit life is unfair and justice is painfully slow going. Year after year we watch the church across town revel in their delusion that they are highly blessed of God because they go on so many trips (which include shopping sprees to Harrods and I'm sure the hottest boutique in Paris). How could it not be a blessing from God when they are ushered into the presence of what they deem as greatness or walk the floors where Royals walk?

But in reality, what IS happening? All of the above is funded with the money that hard-working ordinary Americans tithe to the church every week to keep the church afloat, for the work of the ministry. I doubt they designate their offerings to fund global treks to the latest Megachurch conference with a little shopping thrown in.

Why do the people continue to pay the tithe? Is it they are waiting for God to bless them like he seems to be blessing their leaders? They've been taught, by their leaders, that blessing begins at the 'top' and trickles down. Nevermind the scriptures about leadership being 'the servant of all' or 'the first shall be last, the last shall be first'. That hardly factors in - besides, it would interupt the wonderful cashflow.

If only God would remove the scales from the eyes of the people so they can see the truth for what it is - that they are the ones enabling the dysfunction. The Pastoral Elite will continue to travel on the dime of their church as long as the funds are available to be used at their discretion and pave the way for such glorious living.

Doesn't scripture infer that God will recognize those who gave a drink to the thirsty, food to the hungry, clothing and shelter to the poor, taking care of widows and orphans and even prisoners? Do you think he will be interested in the travel itinerary of the rich and famous then? Just wondering...

Yes, God will ask the Pastoral Elite to give an account one day, just as he will ask us all to give an account. But, human nature being what it is, we commoners sure wish they'd have to give an account before then. Can we hope for justice on this side of heaven? I hope God will forgive any wrong motive on our part and consider that a prayer.

2011 Travel Stats of the Young Pastoral Elite

2011-03-17T15:14:00.012-06:00

Another year has rolled around and we can't help but notice that the travel pattern of the young pastoral elite across town hasn't diminished during the winter months. Lest you think we are obsessively checking their twitters on a daily basis, weeks may pass without a thought in their direction. Then one day we think to check in and - lo and behold -they've taken 4 trips in a 1-month period!

2/14 Hawaii
2/25 Palm Springs
3/5 - 3/7 NYC
3/7 - On to DC
3/15 -Los Angeles

While their pastors criss cross the United States on a week-to-month basis, do the families that have lost, or could be about to lose, their homes at vortex church ever ask where DO their leaders get the money to travel so much?? (They lost their homes because of bad advice given by the senior pastor who elevated a scammer guy into leadership who scammed these families out of money taken from the equity in their homes. He is now a wanted man in 4 different states - CO, ID, UT, TX!) (BTW, why didn't the pastors all lose their houses too??)

Isn't the congregation at all curious to know whether their tithes and offerings are funding big fluff that masquerades as "ministry"? If they are too afraid to ask, we certainly aren't. But when we pose this question we are branded as jealous with a bitterness problem. I wouldn't say we are jealous, but we are definitely perplexed that God himself is allowing this to continue as if he has bestowed a great blessing upon them.

My fellow detoxer, Non-Celebrity Christian, has been asking another question lately: Why do pastors WANT to travel and get away so much? This is a question for even the Good pastor on our side of town. Do they become restless staying in town with those who support them financially, spiritually and emotionally? The same people who faithfully mind the store while they are away I might add. Is it just too boring to stay in town tending a flock who needs you? Yawn. I am a Global Christian and the world is mine for the taking. Is that it?

This leads us to the next question: Just what is a pastor? The young pastoral elite may fit the definition of the kewl and to-be-envied jetset rat-pack of Christianity today, but I doubt it has alot to do with compassion and tending a flock. When do they have time to take care? I think they've all developed a spiritual hypertention disorder and they are so drunk on their growing numbers that they can't help think they do no wrong. They mistake God's tolerance as His blessing.

Meanwhile, those of us desperate to know that God still loves us and has a plan for our lives other than being minions to pastor-kings, are left wondering if God is really that interested in his reputation anymore. That is my honest and heartfelt question for Him that I hope he someday answers.

Spiritual Temperature and A New Surrender

2011-03-05T09:47:00.010-07:00

Journaling again on my spiritual temperature, assessing where I think I stand since leaving the authoritarian style church we left in 2005. Here it is 2011, six years later.

This year I'm finding a new freedom in reading the Bible on a daily basis. Not that I wasn't reading God's word in previous years but because I was determined not to open the book out of christian expectation or legalism, it was no longer an every day obligation like it once was. That was so I knew in my heart when I did reach for His pages it was because I wanted to hear from God, touch base with his thoughts and hear them clearly without the authoritarian voice of the former pastor(s) echoing in my mind. The Lord has been faithful to lead me gently in these last few years giving me lots of space and what feels like His understanding. The Holy Spirit has spoken, convicted me kindly when I needed it, reassured me every time I needed it, just like always throughout my years as a christian.

Daily reading because I'm eager and hungry for 'the new and living way' is becoming a profound joy like it was when I first asked Jesus into my heart. I'm not reading verociously, but taking bite-sized portions to ponder in both the Old Testament and New. I have my own little schedule that I'm surprised I stick to without a group to keep me on track. When I miss a day I'm not uptight about it in the least and I just read a double portion the next day if time allows. It's very personal and not about the corporate setting at all.

Prayer is also an area I needed to relax in so my approach has been the same.

Worship in song has long been personal to me but it too has been redone - still being redone. Let's just say it has been nice to sit quietly before the Lord in my right mind singing thoughtful songs to him without the need to sing each song 10 times to bring God into the room. There is no frenzy left in me. I could write a book on how I feel about that.

I'm still gun-shy about getting involved at a church. I'm ok with attending but my approach has been the same as with bible reading, prayer and worship. Since we left the old church my husband and I have felt it important that I take time to develop my art in the years I have left and work towards certain goals. After years of giving my art second place to the church (actually 3rd after my family) I'm still a little afraid God may ask me to set it aside again to help out at church, which would not only diffuse my focus but set me on a completely different path. There's a reason we've called church a vortex...

That being said, the Holy Spirit brought me to a place of surrender a week or so ago where I actually said to him I would do that (help in a church) if it was his will. It's been more than 6 years since I've been able to say that. Talk about a long surrender. But having done that I have a peace that I'm where I need to be with my art and that he is the Lord of it since I've given him the opportunity to be Lord all along. In the end I only want to serve him with it and hope that the fruit of it is to bring his essence to those my art can touch.

At this point I think I'm to continue pursuing my art outside the church where I feel it's more needed and valued. The church doesn't seem too interested anyway. The only way I could share my heart inside the walls of christian culture is if I could be open and honest about what I've been through, what led us to our exodus from a cult-like church and what I'm feeling now. Church christians don't seem to really want to hear about that even if internet christians do ;-) If Art is a reflection of Life, it will have no depth of substance if we can't be real about life.

Even the whole process of surrender has had to be redone in my life because it was twisted in the old world. Dying to self helped you stay flexible so you could easily be at the eck and call of the pastor who was constantly changing course. If you just died to self then you didn't find yourself so frustrated at the fact he enjoyed changing plans at whim or pitting people who worked for him against each other.

I am crucified with Christ has been or is being restored to its rightful meaning now, so I can have a new sense of trust in the process of surrender. If I'm still a little worried about being trapped again, a peacful trust outshines the fear when I remember Jesus has been with me on this journey and he isn't into jerking me off the path he's been leading me on. He's brought me this far not to send me backward.

So, I think the whole surrender thing is about being willing to be a light for Jesus wherever he leads and making sure my heart is his in everyway. I'm free to come and go. It makes the most sense.

The Revoked Blessing of the Worship Band Tour

2010-10-30T22:49:00.018-06:00

It still baffles me when I hear about the goings on at the former church and their affiliates - more directly the unexceptable behavior that the leadership inflicts upon supporters who choose (as free Americans) to attend there. Who is treated worse than anyone are those who have chosen to go on staff, again supportive people thinking they are there to serve the Lord by serving the church. Happily I am no longer there as a subserviant and stepfordized version of myself. Yet, I can't help shake my head when I hear about how people are still being treated there. Why people stay can only be attributed to timing and how much pain can they stand. Afterall, we finally left when the pain of staying became greater than the pain of leaving (wisely pointed out by my dear friend and fellow ship-jumper).

The latest bizarre, yet typical, behavior of former church is the episode of The Revoked Blessing of the Worship Band Tour. Like everything else associated with this church, it's a bit of a quagmire but hopefully I can explain without getting too muddled.

My former church's current primary worship team has been venturing out into the national Christian Community, one gig at a time, to share their brand of songs with a growing following. Since they have great music and noble hearts it's been exciting to see their youthful passion for worship expanding into new realms across the USA. Their manager is the frontman for another successful and thriving worship band who is sharing with them learned about touring. He also just happens to be the pastor's son of the largest church in our city that we have dubbed the Good Church because of its fruitfulness and effectiveness as a church. It's the best example we have seen so far and it's the church we've been attending to detox from the extreme weird world we were once held captive. So you can imagine our surprise when the boys from former church started hanging out with our pastor's son, even leading worship from time to time at the Good Church!

Pastor son/manager helped them set up Tour #1 and they went out with what they thought was the blessing of the leaders in their church. One of the band members told me that their pastors were actually really excited for them and gave them their blessing. I have to admit I was surprised because it's never been former church's style to let people go very far. But then again, as my friends and I discussed this, we realized former church may have thought they were hitching themselves to a rising star, so of course they'd give the blessing.

But now that has apparently changed. Shortly after The Band announced Tour #2, WacWorld Leadership is revoking their blessing and have kicked them off the worship team schedule. Not only that, the frontman for the band was actually employed on staff as a worship leader and they let him go. They actually said "We can't give you our blessing." (What is it about elite pastors who think they invoke blessing like the pope or someone? Shaking my head at that.) Of course, if you know the history of the former church, you know why this was done. But for those of you that don't know the pattern, I'll try to summarize.

It probably rankles that the band is getting notoriety but it isn't helping the church, or more importantly the leadpastor family. If everything you do is supposed to build up the senior pastor and his family (i.e. it's all about them), then you can't be someone successful in their midst if it doesn't ultimately point to them. In other words, the history has been that they tend to frown on success if it doesn't directly affect the church. Also, it must REALLY rankle that the boys play worship for services at the successful church the manager attends (The Good Church) because it is interpreted as non-loyal. If you are actually helping to build up what is considered a rival church, then you have to be cut off like a bad tree branch or something.

The boys seeming haven't realized until now what's really going on beneathe the surface of the lead family's slick, expensively cultivated exterior. They also may not be aware that there is a long line of people who have similar stories, yet with different details. But whether these young men want to admit they have been treated terribly or not, this is a story I felt compelled to put to pen because it shows us once again what happens when leaders have an elevated sense of their own importance.

Which is more Christ-like? Should we speak up about the lead pastor family's bad behavior or should we remain silent and let their actions go unchecked? Jesus spoke up about how he felt concerning the Pharisees treatment of the people who were bringing sacrificial gifts into the house of God and then keeping the best for themselves. He also had a strong reaction to the 'money changers' selling in the temple and raged through with a whip in hand! Then again, when He was on trial for His life he remained silent. If we are to follow his example, I guess we need to look at the circumstances of the situation, ask for guidance and go from there.

These are questions some of us are wrestling with as word reaches us about the goings on at the Church of Questionable Conduct. Meanwhile, the boys in the band are just playing their songs, loving Jesus, loving people wherever they go and I hope they remain free to do just that. I'm sure they are better off not being under the strict jurisdiction and regiment of former church. This is going to be the best thing that could have happened for them and maybe someday they will see it as such and thank the Lord for his merciful intervention.

Quest for the House of God

2010-08-10T10:38:00.007-06:00

Jesus will always be the one I worship, my prophet of choice, Saviour, friend, teacher and guide. I would never pass over his living essence for a chunky piece of dead stone, no matter how peaceful and loving the idol-relic rhetoric comes across. It's just not a temptation for me, although I can see how it would be for some, depending on what they've gone through in the christian culture, and whether they feel completely deserted by God in their circumstances.

The spirit of Jesus is like the wind, or sometimes a gentle breeze, according to the need, who wafts in breathing new life with his presence. He's made himself real to me in so many ways throughout my lifetime, that there's no question of leaving him.

Leaving, or not engaging in, christian culture is a different story for me these days. Although I haven't entirely left its sphere, I have been content now to remain on the outer rim of it.

However, I have been wondering what to do about my affinity for the verses of Psalm 27:4-6 that say:

"One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high on a rock...at his tabernacle I will sing and make music to the Lord."

Is that only for people who want to spend time in church culture and be caught up in its orbit? I used to sing these words with more of the church in mind - serving there - my music supposedly being there. But time and circumstance has changed that.

When you feel the Lord has lifted you out of a certain sphere and placed you in another one that isn't by definition the church or its culture, where then is the house of God? I feel no affinity for serving in church, not because of bitterness and unforgiveness (some people automatically think that's the problem), but because I see now that the Lord has lifted me out. But I still feel a kinship for those verses that hold meaning for me even if I'm not sure of the meaning. Maybe the Lord has wanted the meaning redefined all along.

So I've been on a quest to find out what the house of God means to me now.
I know what it no longer can be for me. Especially when the Pastor at the Good Church periodically sounds too much like our former pastor at the Church of Questionable Conduct - that if you aren't doing your part (he calls it doing chores) at your local church you must be in rebellion to God. Like that's really motivating, thanks. I can't wait to jump in now and let you suck my energy bone dry so I have no time left to do my art which is the calling of my life. At the time of this blogpost it's not logistically going to work if I try to do both (just like it wasn't early on when I started this blog). And I don't sense the Lord asking me to lay down my art to walk back into the church to help with that particular family's chores. I've done that already for far too long and have suffered for it. If I do that now, how do I know THAT is not rebellion to what God wants me to do? Besides, if you go by the rebellion-to-God dogma, where is the longsuffering and patient love of God in that?

Jesus said that if two of his followers gather in his name, he is there in the midst. This may be one of the keys to the door of God's house. Where two or more of us encourage each other in faith and hope, pray for each other and with each other, that would be fulfilling the 2 most important commandments according to Jesus when he uttered: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself.

Another thought that has come to mind in the reading Psalm 27 passage again, when I see "at his tabernacle I will sing and make music to the Lord." "At" makes me think of standing next to something, in this case it could be an altar. Wherever you build an altar for the Lord to worship him, wouldn't that be the place of his dwelling and therefore his house? Or how about under the shadow of His wing? When I sing to the Lord even by myself, I feel I've passed through a threshold, walked into a place of worship and communion. When I talk with the Lord wherever I am, I share with him the secrets of my soul, my needs and desires. In so doing, I hand my burden to him in faith that he's taken it since he's promised to shoulder it much better than I ever could. That's the kind of exchange pastors always tell you needs to happen when you go to church. It can happen anywhere though, not just in church services.

Perhaps the spirit of the Lord doesn't WANT to be walled up in a building where communal chores are necessary to keep its household running. Maybe he really IS like the wind that wants to blow where a place of desire and need exist, where it can do most good.

Not to say that can't happen in church too, because I know that's very valid for those who seek refuge in the churches. It was for me at one time. Still can be sometimes. The Lord is never one to turn anyone away, so my guess is he's in both types of houses. For those who like the idea of being part of a family where, sort of like children, they do their chores while the pastor-father oversees (and yes, does his chores too), that's great for them. But to assume we all need to be there when some of us have spread our wings and flown the nest, isn't that a bit presumptuous? That's like telling my adult children what they are doing out in the world beyond our home isn't as valid as coming back into the fold and helping us keep our household running.

My hope is that the house of God dwells within us, wherever we may be, as we seek his face and he touches our lives. Like that beautiful painting of the finger of God touching the finger of man, both reaching to one another in need and desire, the Spirit of God gives sustenance and breath to help us keep on living, enabling us to follow the path of destiny he's given us without fear and distraction. Walking in harmony and communion with him is his house because he is our father, teacher, saviour and friend. That seems right to me, but since this is a quest, I'm open to adjusting anything out of harmony with the scriptures.

Travel Money

2010-07-26T15:57:00.013-06:00

Where DO they get the money to travel so much? Orlando in May, Colorado in June and now they are in Hawaii. Cant wait to see what August thru December brings. It must be nice to jet set all around the world and have a travel calendar filled to overflowing.

Here are a few of the pastor girls tweets:

[Went to church outside in my swimsuit.. What?! Maui is where I be.. Embracing the aloha spirit. 2:20 PM Jul 25th via Twitter for iPhone ]

[sitting under a huge palm tree looking over the ocean in Maui! http://tweetphoto.com/35265141 3:39 PM Jul 27th via UberTwitter ]

[Just got back from a spa, and am now officially relaxed! 10:50 PM Jul 29th via UberTwitter ]

[Last day in Maui.. We've done a whole lot of nothing and I've loved every second. Pool, eat, read, beach, spa, eat, repeat.. 1:11 PM Jul 30th via Twitter for iPhone ]

Again, not that pastors shouldn't take vacations but, really, when the rest of us are trying to make house and car payments, and travel has to take a back seat, are we supposed to believe God loves and favors them more because they charged 210 per person at their youth camp and the offerings were so dang good their reward is a week of in Maui?

Again, do the families that lost their houses over there at vortex church ever ask these kinds of questions? (They lost their homes because of bad advice given by the senior pastor who elevated a scammer guy into leadership who scammed these families out of money taken from the equity in their homes. He is now a wanted man in 3 different states!) (BTW, why didn't the pastors all lose their houses too??)

So, do they merely believe God blesses his anointed with abundance while the rest of the congregation suffers? Don't they wonder just a little bit where the travel money comes from? Aren't they curious to know whether their tithes and offerings (which was essentially their money before they gave to "God") are funding all the foo foo fluff that so easily hides under the big broad category tabbed "ministry".

Fine. If God wants them to get away with it scott free in this life, so be it. Is it too much to ask for justice in this life? Not so much that we can see them 'get their just desserts' but so God will validate that he is watching and isn't happy with this sort of thing. If nothing else, they will have to give an accurate account for it someday even if it's only in the hereafter at the Day of Judgement. Wouldn't want to be in their shoes then.

High Rolling at The Vortex Church

2010-05-19T00:53:00.007-06:00

Yum. Just downed a happy meal at MickeyD's tonight. Since the economic downturn we've been cutting costs in creative ways like many Americans. Occasionally splurging is a must, though, to keep the sanity and fun in your life. Thus the economy meal. (And dont forget, there's always the Number 12 at Polo Ray: $2.99 buys more than you can eat, or make it a platter for an extra $1.25. Just add ice water at no charge and your meal is complete.)

It's amazing, though, that our former Vortex Church doesn't seem to be affected by the economic dip, or at least it hasn't seemed to affect the senior pastor family. In fact, vacations to expensive theme parks clear across the country are being twittered about by their entire family as I blog. "Entire family" in this case means most of the Vortex staff which is senior pastor and wife, sons, daughters, and spouses. These people always vacation together which is a little weird anyway. How do you ever really take a break if your entire clan is in tow?

That's just rich isn't it? When the rest of us are driving shorter distances in these hard times or even cutting out vacations altogether for a staycation, this family manages to ride high on the tithes of the undiscerning (who believe that their tithes and offerings are furthering the work of the ministry which is supposed to help the cause of Christ). Instead, they feel free to spend the money on themselves. But that's nothing new. Actually, it's one of the primary reasons we left. Somehow the leadership (and the people who stay there with them) truly believe that there's nothing wrong with spending tithe money in extravagent ways.

Not that a family shouldn't take a break and make memories together. But come on. Doesn't ANYONE see that something is amiss here? Apparently not, because the entitlement behavior is still going on how many years later? They don't seem to be cutting back at all when the rest of us have to. They still eat often at fine restaurants (no MacDonald's for them), still live in their posh houses (and there's something fishy in the way they all got those houses) and they fly across the country monthly whether it be for what they call ministry or for a family vacation. (But they need those vacations because they are working so hard you know, trying to think of new and creative offering ideas to keep their good thing going).

I know it makes me sound bitter and jealous. Under normal circumstances I'd wish anyone the prosperity they seem to enjoy. And if they were owners of a company making lots of money, and as long as it were ethical unlike Enron, I'd have no qualms with their high end tastes. But when did pastors become entitled to lux living as if they were CEOs of big money-making companies? They are living off offering money. If so, then they should live within their church's means not like Benny Hinn or something.

It hardly seems fair that the economic crisis doesn't seem to touch them like it does the rest of us. I suppose if we had a personal tithe stash coming to us every week, we'd be flying across the country on vacation too. Is it because they are more privileged than the rest of us? Does God have a special affinity for them as his select anointed? Were they born into royalty? Why are they privileged then? The bottom line is they have somehow convinced enough people that they are deserving of money that doesn't belong to them. They lead people to believe it's for ministry purposes -- money they and their followers think they are entitled to dip into. Remember, as a church they have 501 3 C status which means they don't have to pay taxes on that money. That's a whole different topic. Related yes, but I can't even go there now.

How long is God going to look on while people in this church have lost their houses (something's fishy there too) yet they loyally give their tithe money every Sunday so the senior family can live in their high end homes? I can't help but wonder if God's silence is condoning their behavior? When I think again, I know it's not but it's certainly a diabolical thought that crosses the minds of those who have been used by them and tossed aside and forgotten. Reminds me of a few Psalms we've all come across, thinking 'Wow, David sure has an attitude here' -- apparently with good reason. If David, a man after God's own heart, felt free to ask God these kinds of questions, maybe my question here isn't so out of line. How long Oh Lord . . .

The whole disparity is so eerily familiar. Wasn't it the Pharasees in the New Testament who were eating the best cuts of meat provided by the poor people (those weren't free-will offerings, they were mandatory) as they walked around in their fine robes and lived in the best houses? Oh, and they were really into public prayer too - so eloquent(blah blah blah)and spiritual(such bloviaters). But whose prayers did God esteem?

If pastors want to truly relate to the average person in their congregation for the sake of the Gospel, shouldn't they at least try to live a balanced lifestyle, which may also entail living within a balanced means, and take an average salary (so they are neither tempted to steal or become so greedy they forget God)? That would mean they would be numbered among the middle class instead of the elite though, and for some pastors that could be a problem. When you think about it, Jesus wasn't even considered middle class and he managed to get the true work of the gospel accomplished. If it worked for him to remain lowly, why do we think we'd need to be any different?

What If You Do Need Groups?

2010-03-22T15:29:00.005-06:00

It’s been 5 years since I left the old church. Along the way I’ve discovered that I needed more than to detox from the old church but also from the Christian culture. (Not gonna go into that now since I’ve hashed all that out in former posts.) But now that I think I’m done detoxing, I’ve realized that what I’m really done with is church! Ha! Not completely and forever, but done with the obligation to go to church in order to keep my relationship with Jesus alive. Like I’ve said in earlier posts, I’m free to come and go as I please. Perhaps I’ve learned self governance along the way in rebuilding my personal relationship with the Lord, so I no longer seem to need the church dynamic to keep it alive.

Part of why I don’t need church, though, is because, personality-wise, I really don’t need groups. I wasn’t in groups in high school or in college. I'm not a loner, but just don't seem to thrive in groups. They hamper my creative energy. But, I do have a good support system of family and friends whose company I enjoy. In a sense they are my (informal) group.

But what if your personality type is such that you DO thrive in groups? If so, then a good healthy church is a good place for you. But don't limit yourself to just a church. With your type of personality, your light can really shine in other places where people congregate. My guess is that a healthy you will care for those people while you are getting something good from the group yourself. That's good for you, for 'them' and for the cause of Christ.

Since you come alive and produce fruit in groups, you may especially need to set personal safeguards to make sure you don’t let a group take your life over and become your identity. When you are spending your time in groups check yourself every so often to see if that group is becoming too much for you. By now you have hopefully read up on the warning signs, the red flags, that tell you whether you are in a healthy group or not. Maintain your individuality and ask questions freely when you wonder about something. If you resist letting a group define you, then you are free to walk away at any point if and when you find out it’s dysfunctional.

Part of the detox phase of healing is discovering what makes you tick and how to best thrive as you go forward. What works for one may not work for another. Just saying to stay sensitive to your own inner needs and what motivates you.

Groups or no group, just remember there is One who sticks closer than a brother through it all and He has your best interest in mind. You were created the way you are for a reason so don’t fight it. Simply go with the flow and live your life in freedom, abundantly.

Taking My Spiritual Temperature

2010-01-30T19:30:00.005-07:00

I thought to check in since I've recently taken my spiritual temperature, which most of us do from time to time, especially at the beginning of each year, just to make sure we aren't straying from Jesus - 'examine yourself', the Bible encourages. But in taking my own temperature, I think it's only fair to wisely take stalk in what's going on around me - it's part of being prudent - because as we are all observing lately, the body of Christ isn't exemplifying what the Bible specifies in many areas. That has a bearing on what I decide about where I fit or don't fit etc. No one else is able to decide that for me. Not even a pastor.

(NOTE: As the writer of Detox Church Group I can only tell you where I'm at. My detox friends seem to be in a similar place, but it wouldn't be fair to speak for them since they each have the intelligence and writing gifts to speak for themselves.)

I still find I need to know Jesus is near, hear his voice, and am gladly open to the input of the Holy Spirit. I still find the Bible is a source of comfort, direction and strength, although there are some passages I have to put off for later when I'm ready. The Holy Spirit has a timing about reteaching what I learned from the old church and I've found if I wait till I'm ready, it's redone in such a thorough and profound way!

I find I'm still no closer to becoming involved in the Christian Culture than I was the last time I posted and still feel quite content to keep it at arms length. I know this must come across as anti-Christian which I'm not, but I am leary of many Christians. There are many reasons for that, which you have read about here on this blog.

I still like to listen to the Good Preacher speak at the Good Church, whether on local tv or in the foyer, but still feel no affinity to the Good Church itself as in taking ownership and doing stuff there. Because if I did stuff there it would only be out of obligatory christian expectation. That expectation doesn't seem to come from the pastor or his sweet wife, but the vibe is there in others. Still, I'm thrilled The Good Church exists and feel free to come and go. I'm still aware that no one misses me just like I don't miss them. The first few years I was there, I'd friend-request some of the worship team from the Good Church on MySpace, and later on Twitter, and I was virtually ignored every time. So, obviously the interest just isn't there. I thought "Ok, guess I'm not interested in you either!" Then I thought "How freeing is that?!" So, I guess I have learned, once again, what a closed door feels like, and it is closed (for me) at the Good Church. And I'm ok with that especially since the Lord has opened other musical doors for me outside the church. (Lest you think I'm merely too lazy to get involved at church, my time is taken with all it takes to do what I do. Otherwise, maybe God would have me do the work there. It's just not my path.)

As I check the spiritual temp of the Christian Culture from where I stand, locally and online, I still get the vibe that to be a spiritual person you must be 'plugged in' and involved at a church, must have a pastor you are under, and that speaking out or asking questions that beg to be asked still equates unforgiveness. I feel this even at The Good Church. Yet, I'm so impressed how this church reaches out to the lost, the addicted, and to the poor on a regular basis - it's amazing and commendable. But there is still a culture threshhold that one must cross to feel at home there. Like anywhere else, you must look and sound similar to what's going on there to 'fit in'. Maybe that is just group mentality no matter where you go, not just in churches. At least it's not controlling and legalistic like some places I know. So, since I have a choice, I'd just rather not have to fit in.

The hard part about taking the Bible at its word is you want to duplicate what it says, like about the kind of culture we should be, but that doesn't seem to exist here on earth. Even so, everybody seems to be looking for it. At least we know that in Heaven IT will be there and it will be what we were longing for on earth.

What is God doing with the body of Christ at large concerning this culture thing? This group mentality seems to be everywhere. Speaking, and acting on, the party line has never been so prevelant. But is God just leaving us to our own devices or is he in the process of intervening in a slow patient way? As it stands now, much of the church seems so separate from the rest of the world and is becoming more and more unrelateable?

If God wanted to sift the church from group think/group speak, how would he do it?

Does he desire to bring the culture down to a size we can fit in--like a bunch of little groups? Maybe we aren't supposed to even form little groups. Maybe just have friends who help each other without calling ourselves anything.

If you were God and trying to change a culture (without destroying the whole thing in one fatal sweep) that had morphed into something that no longer reflected your original goal, how would you dismantel it and how long would it take?

We've all observed how the Lord, in his mercy, seems to take a long time to do anything because he doesn't want to lose anyone in the process, so it wouldn't happen over night. Apart from the rapture which will happen overnight, so to speak, would you just call people out from the morphed failed project and start anew? I don't know, I'm just thinking, just wondering what HE thinks of all this. (I'm sure there are a bunch of prophetic types who think they know what he thinks, but I'm really only interested in what he thinks, not in what they think. That said, I am open to discussion - just not 'thus sayeth the Lord prophetic words' on the subject, if you get my drift! )

So, just checking in to say I'm still a Christian but still gun-shy of many who bear the name and have become very careful of my interactions and conversations with them. At the same time, I realize I have to be careful to remain open to each individual the Holy Spirit may bring my way and regard that person as valuable to the Lord and to myself. And to pray for patience and humility. . ."But for the grace of God go I." Because I was there on that merry-go-round at one time too.

Misrepresentations Make My Blood Boil

2009-10-16T22:51:00.009-06:00

Thank God for this periodic clearing of the cloudy mist when I feel the urge to speak up, speak out, into the clamorous sea of voices. Another detox friend and I were just discussing that there's alot of noise out there and the last thing we want is to add to the cluttered din. On the other hand, we must exercise our voices in order to be heard even if it is just for eventually. In between these times of freedom to speak out, there's alot of simmering going on, but I'm never compelled to say anything until enough angst accumulates into a serious perculation. What usually happens is I erupt and boil over if I don't give way to some form of communication. But then again, the erupting IS the communication so I guess this is catharthis.

It's usually brought on by some injustice recently within the church at large or by catching wind of another audacious happening at the infamous 'church' across town. It blows our minds that it somehow manages to keep going especially since their greatest 'fruit' seems to be using the ministry money to live an elitest lifestyle amongst their middle class tithers that gladly enable the mismanagement of money with their weekly tithe installments.

Ok, something that made my simmer perculate a bit yesterday was this. I got an email from a worship magazine that is hosting a one-day songwriting seminar called 'song discovery in the round' which would be fine if that is what it was going to be. What they are doing is hosting a group of well-known established Christian worship leaders who will teach on songwriting. They are borrowing from the concept of 'songwriters in the round' which is when a bunch of songwriters take turns singing their songs in public so they can be heard. As far as I can tell, it's just another teaching on how you should write your songs and make them just like ours so we will choose your songs. So why borrow this lovely music world concept and proceed to misrepresent what it is? It makes my blood boil when the church at large continues to elevate the hopes of the Unrecognized Gifted with false advertising. Oh, by the way, the one-day conference costs the aspiring song-writer $99 not to mention plane fare, meals and lodging it would cost to go. An afterthought: I wonder if they don't get enough attendance at the 3-day conferences they host so decided on the shortened version?

Another blood boiler I can't resist talking about since we are talking about false advertising:
A church that hosts what they call a "Town Hall Meeting" where the senior pastor bellows on for 78 minutes about all his plans to build an empire with no forum for questions or comments from anyone. That's a lecture not a town hall meeting. Isn't a town meeting supposed to be a platform for people in towns or organizations to voice their concerns with the opportunity to ask legitimate questions? I shouldn't be surprised by the bogusness of the town meeting title because this particular misrepresention is the brain child of KGW (k.g.dubbaya) pastor of the infamous church across town - yes, my former wac world. He was never too keen on questions asked in any forum. But to use this wonderful concept of a Town Hall Meeting and then twist it into his version of it makes my blood boil!

Orbitting the Son

2009-08-03T21:23:00.009-06:00

Looking back on the years since we first began our detox from Wac-World, I think of how far we've come, how much burden and unnecessary expectation we've shed! Yet I still marvel when our eyes open to the existing layer that is about to come off.

Since it's an individual journey, each of us going at our own pace, the lights go on for us at differing times about various subjects. Today I had yet another epiphany about staying clear of being sucked back into Christian Culture. This leg of it has been a long-time coming, because I think from the beginning I was under the impression that my desire to be part of church in some way would return. It's caused me a little angst from time to time, when I've given it thought, because I wasn't seeing any signs that the Lord was leading me in that direction. Some folks say that getting involved is what brings desire or healing or whatever. But that isn't what the Lord has been asking me to do, so I'm not.

So the epiphany is that I'm finally really free to let go of any unecessary angst caused by my choosing not to donate any time or money to the church in any way. I've revelled in not needing the Christian Culture in my life since I've left the Vortex Church, but now I'm free from the subtle (and not-so-subtle) voice of the Church asking for help. It's just not my assignment and I can rest knowing that God isn't asking so I can shut that heartfelt plea from the pulpits, unless, of course, the Holy Spirit nudges me in that direction.

I'm not so proud to think I don't need other brothers and sisters who love Jesus in my life. It's just become vital that their orbit is somewhat similar to mine in order to be uplifted and to uplift. But for the most part I am no longer active in a church and don't plan to begin any time soon. I do go to church on the weekend unless I can't. But even at the Good Church, the undercurrent the culture is there so I try to avoid the clash that happens when I run into it. (My detox cronies and I share stories of all the close calls we've encountered each week - there's always SOMETHING! ) One thing is certain, it continues to go on without me, it hasn't really missed me and doesn't need me in order to continue. I am not a missing limb or finger. I am not grieving the Holy Spirit by not giving my time to something I'm not assigned to. I am free to orbit Jesus, the Son, in the way he's designed me to orbit and that means outside the 4 walls of the churches in my town.

I guess I had been waiting, in the back of my mind, to want to get involved in some miniscule way when my detoxing stage comes to a close. But that's just not going to happen. All along I've had the thought that I needed to get better then my desire would change. But now that I am no longer as sick, tell me why I would want to return to the activity that made me sick in the first place? This stage in my recovery demands that I pace myself to stay sane and healthy so I'm free to pursue the one thing I do know I'm supposed to work on and that's my music.

In my case, being a musician, the doors have continued to open outside the church. My music isn't highly favored in the christian community anyway, although there are some christians that do like it. Oh, and speaking of, let me underline an undeniable factor here: If you don't play worship music most christians aren't really interested. No news there, I've known that for a long time, have suffered through requests at gigs for worship songs, and even had someone ask me if her friend could play a set of worship tunes (at a non-church venue) so their group could worship. I mean, isn't that what your church is for? Why does everything have to be turned into a church worship service? It was an audacious request and made me roll my eyes, but it really pissed the venue owner off when he found out the group had even asked that. He said "What the Hell?! I hired you to play tonight not some church girl." Well, that's his language and I totally understood his sentiment. Just another way for him to see what weirdos exist in churches these days--and, unfortunately, he associates that weirdness with Jesus, who isn't like that at all. I admit, that little religious group slimed me big time, made me feel like dirt, like I wasn't doing enough for God and all that. Actually, it felt like an attack from the devil. But later the Spirit reminded me "he who has an ear, let him hear" and in so many words reassured me that the little religious group just didn't have the ear to hear what I had to give that night.

Don't get me wrong, I got over it and yes, I've forgiven the WooWoo Sisters. I've had worse things happen gigging around town. Since I'm on the subject, one time I was quickly unloading my gear outside a downtown venue where buses usually pick folks up. This maniac guy charges over to me and starts yelling in my face (he obviously had a mental disorder) -- and this was right before I had to play for 3 hours for the local Gallery Walk. The bus driver came over and kindly smoothed manic guy's ruffled feathers pointing out that I had my flashers on and was only unloading and that I was planning to then leave and park my car. Anyway, that was disconcerting, but I got through it. I prayed for peace while I was setting up and God graciously gave it to me. Another time I played outside at a venue where local drumming was going on a few doors down so people really couldn't hear my music. I silently conferred with Jesus and the drummers eventually moved down the street so I got through that too and got paid that night. All this to say, I'm accustomed to weird stuff happening from time to time - you have to be ready for anything and roll with the punches. So the slime from the Christian sisters who wanted to worship didn't do me in, but it was part of my turning point in realizing that Christian Culture has truly taken on a life of its own with an undeniable demand that everyone look and act and sound the same to be acceptable.

Speaking of acceptable, you know that scripture that says that we are accepted in the beloved? I always thought that to mean that we can find acceptance in the church, when in reality the Beloved is Jesus, not his church. There can be acceptance in different church groups, but to expect it only leads to disappointment. What we CAN expect is that we really aren't accepted unless we echo the flavors of the particular church we are in.

This is the clarity that came to me today: I am totally on the right track of where I need to be right now. I listen to the Holy Spirit and sense his direction for my life and he freely lets me know the next step when I need to know it. Christian Culture, a treadmill I hopped off of a few years ago, which was again by his leading, will continue to spin endlessly without me! People in churches don't care I'm not there to join them, although it may rankle whoever is working so hard in the latest program. And that's only because there are those of us who have other things to do with our time so they aren't going to get the help they need. They certainly don't care about those of us who aren't signing up on their lists. I have a hunch if they knew what I was thinking, they'd agree I should just keep my distance ;-)

So now just to remember that those of us not stuck in churches have been given assignments that are just as vital to the Kingdom of God as those who are in the churches doing what God's given them to do. Those who are feeding and clothing the poor, more power to them. I can donate food to the food bank and my clothes to the thrift store but that's about as giving as I'm going to be able to be. Personally, I've got music to play and people to meet that would never hear me and talk with me if I was stuck in the church.

That's my path, and yours is just as unique and vital. I'd be interested to hear what path God has given you to walk (or fly) down (or up)! I'd love to share your story with my other detoxing orbiters! We are hungry to hear what He's up to in the lives of those who are bravely flying beyond the status quo! Whatever your story is, I hope you are free to follow your heart and the voice of the HS. If you find you arent' fitting in to Christian Culture (or is that Xtian Couture?), don't despair, it's actually a good thing!

The Detox Timeline VS Christian Subculture Expectation!

2009-05-16T12:37:00.007-06:00

NOTE: The discussions referred to here are usually a checking-in time seeing what each of us is going through and how we are feeling lately. We each come to our own conclusions and then compare notes. So our little ‘group’ isn’t another version of group-think, which is KEY in understanding where we are coming from. Our quest is to discover our own path in God and we have all concluded, separately, that individualism or the independent spirit, isn’t the evil that it was preached to be in our old church world.

We were in discussion yesterday about why it takes some people longer to detox than others. The obvious would be it depends on how long a person was connected to the former toxic life and how deeply they got involved in that organization. We were involved and closely associated for years so it stands to reason it may take us longer to get rid of the toxic affect of being there than a person who was just there for 2 years and had the good sense to leave early. Also, it depends on what the former world is like.

Friend One had a great analogy about just how deep the toxicity infiltrated our belief system suggesting that the type of Christianity we were shooting up was like a pure cut of cocaine or heroin. Therefore, it stands to reason that getting clean from that brand of drug is more dramatic and takes longer. How many drug addicts leave detox too soon only to find themselves back in the same gutter of addiction, not clean, not cured, and worse than ever? Why would we be any different?

Case in point, many of the other people we know who have left former church world are right back at it, honing their religious addictions in a different environment yet serving another spiritual tyrant! It stuns us that they can even consider attending churches like after what they endured in our old church world, but they not only attend a similar church, their entire lives are consumed with it, once again. But they are ones who didn't take the time to detox at all. They thought the answer for their healing was to jump into a similar situation right away. Sadly, they are the ones we feel the worst judgment from when we’ve felt it in our hearts to take a chance and go to coffee with them (in the hope we could be of some help to them). The Group-Think Group-Speak is all OVER them! It's painful to witness. Yet, they think we are rebels and buried in our offenses. We think they are Stepfordized and totally without a clue. So I guess our feelings toward one another are mutual.

Anyway, back to the detox timeline issue. Yes, it can be exasperating to feel you are through with the detox process only to realize that you are in another round of it. The question hovers “Shouldn’t we be done with this by now?” It’s not only our own voices asking us this but the judgment of Christian culture today telling us we should be busy doing some form of church work cuz ‘Don’t you know by now that fastest way to healing is to get involved?’ Only after you’ve gone through the magical prayer line of course! If you do THAT first, you will WANT to get involved. Hmmm. Red Flag. What brand of kool-aid are you serving?

It isn’t easy swimming upstream from what feels like an entire culture, even if it is a subculture. But there’s no turning back. Now that we know what we know, how can we submit ourselves to the same organizational pressures we endured before? And we all agreed yesterday that we are still happier people in Detox Mode than we’d be if we were spinning around in the Church-Work Hamster Wheel Mode!

Here are a few points that we discussed as we take measure of where we are in the timeline of detox as of yesterday:

Perhaps it’s time to let go of the hope that other Christians will understand us. Guessing from their deer-in-the-headlight stares, they may never grasp what we went through and why we need to detox and heal from it. Being misunderstood by our brethren is certainly nothing new. None of us felt understood in the old church and were each treated like we were slightly daft anyway.
Perhaps we may never fit into a church world environment again in this life. Perhaps it’s ok to remain on the outskirts, attending church when we have the spiritual strength to go, for the reasons the Bible intended.
Old Friends still immersed in Christian Culture in their respective churches who were once reticently patient with us, are now judgmental of how long it's taking us to get back in the flow of things. Earlier they at least displayed a . Is it time to just let those friendships go and then if they ever need us later we are here for them? So, not a bridge burning thing, just a quiet fading from their view...completely...?
We are each more fruitful in our various endeavors than we ever were before and we are each connected to the world we live in more than ever. We actually now have time for this. If we ‘get involved’ in church activity of any kind, will that be the time suck it has always been? We fear it is so.
Why DOES the church want to take over our lives? Can we just live for Jesus simply and in truth without getting sucked into the subculture Christians have created? We think yes to living simply for Jesus and no to not getting sucked into the vortex. At this point in Church history, church has subtley taken the place of Jesus, dethroning him in a round-about way.
Bottom line: Follow your heart, listen to the still small voice of the Holy Spirit, and learn to build your OWN life up. No one else is going to do that for you. You aren't going to get this from a church leader no matter how nice he/she is. Church leaders care more about their own world, and less about you unless YOU bring something of value to THEIR table. It's a harsh reality but one that needs to be seen for what it is. It's just the nature of the beast it has become.

Could it be that the Lord isn't too happy with what the American Church has become and He could be changing the entire fellowship dynamic from a mega disneyland environment to millions of smaller-group settings? What do you think? We don't pretend to know the answer, we are just mulling it all over. We'd love to hear from you, our Fellow Detoxing and Non-Detoxing Bloggers!

Pilgrim, Make Progress: Follow The Trail

2009-02-04T22:34:00.018-07:00

We call ourselves, loosely, Detox Church Group, because we are seeking healing from our experiences of too many years in the former controlling church. Our group fluctuates from 3 to 7 (until others want to associate with us!) depending on how out the other 4 really are. Not that we are judging them, it's just that they fade away for awhile when they think we have fallen off the path of truth - that is, the path they've perceived as truth - and go back to the trappings we have already detoxed from!

Like all of us, the 4 understand what went wrong in the cult-like church we all fled. But when we are revolted by the old lifestyle, we are surprised to find they are still interested in certain aspects of it. For instance, one of them may mention gold teeth and a desire to go to certain conferences in the south. Another may mention how we should all be reading the latest greatest anointed Christian pop culture book every one is reading. In essence, they are free from the old church but they still yearn for the trappings of the old world. The Israelites in their desert days longing for Egypt comes to mind - not to sound puffed up or dramatic or anything. It's funny, though, how they resurface after they learn, once again, the fluff just doesn't satisfy like it did in the old days. Our arms are open to them and we are learning to stay focused and patient just as we hope others and the Lord will be with us.

In fairness to our meandering 4, we admit how this hyperactive prophetic culture calls to you. It's like a fix you can't get anywhere else - the hyped-up Charismatic worship services culminating in a call to the altar where a treasure trove of personal prophecies awaits you. No wonder undiscerning people trample each other to get there first and stand in line clamoring for the most anointed (popular) one to pray and prophesy over them. (Can't just be one of those measly deacons now can it?!) I'm sure any of us, who have abandoned our respective corporate ships, all have embarrassing stories we could pull out to amuse ourselves with! (If you have one, do tell! in the comment section!)

One thing has become certain, if you are still secretly hoping for gold dust and feathers and personal words spoken over you by other people, then you are not quite free of the addictive hold this culture has had on your soul.

Over the past few years we've slowly come to terms with the fact that what went wrong in the old church goes beyond the dysfunctions of the senior pastor family, although their audacious behavior certainly plays a large part in their malfunctioning world over there. It goes beyond the influence of those who do their bidding, enabling the sherade as well. Once you realize that the problem isn't just with the leaders themselves but instead with the foundation of why they were able to rise to their respective heights in the first place, you then move into another phase beyond detoxing into the restorative health of your faith. You begin to see that the Lord didn't merely deliver you from people who didn't have your best interest in mind, but from a convoluted way of life that held you back from true fruitfulness. When Jesus said that we shall know the truth and the truth shall make us free he must have foreseen all the religious jive that would ultimately ensnare his followers. He wasn't fond of Pharisaical doctrines then and I'm sure he's adamently against them now. Once you discern truth, then you are free of the complicated rigmarole that keeps you from living simply before the Lord, being led by his spirit every day, to actually be the earthen vessel of clay touching those around you.

The choice is ours. Do we want to hole up at conferences for the rest of our lives listening to preachers bloviate, waiting in healing lines, often paying money for personal prophecy or do we want to spend our time more wisely seeking to make a difference in our own communities? Just add up all the expenses - airfare, lodging, food, books, CDs, offerings and time spent away from work - you do the math! Seems like the choice to remove ourselves from the hype would be a no-brainer, but in reality people are swayed easily by mass hysteria.

How do you begin to disentangle yourself from the addiction of a celebrity-ridden Christian culture that is constantly reminding you what you are missing? Hey, even Dutch Sheets, who we once regarded as real and wise, is constantly downloading the latest word from God how to be vertically alligned and advertising for his upcoming prophetic conference!

The answer is to put your shoulder to the stone of prayerful research.

Thanks to scholarly types who like to research a matter to its very depths (what a gift!), there's a wealth of information surfacing about how the (especially Mega Charismatic type) Church morphed into what it is today. For instance, how did we become prosperity driven, celebrity obsessed, ruled by king-like authoritarian pastors? Pastors who are supposed to be leading the sheep as compassionate shepherds, instead drive the flock with an elitist sense of entitlement. This, of course, is spurred on by the shameless worship of their supporters who enable them to make a living off the tithes and offerings i.e. their hard-earned money that they should be investing where it counts most.

On the helpful informative site called Let Us Reason we discover that the roots of this elitist attitude has to do with the Latter Rain theology which has its roots in Gnosticism [Dictionary.com definition: certain sects among the early Christians who claimed to have superior knowledge of spiritual matters, and explained the world as created by powers or agencies arising as emanations from the Godhead] and a dominionistic philosophy that suggests we Christians are going to inherit (take over) the world to rule and reign before Christ returns. There's also an informative article on Deception Bytes called Why Latter Rain and Dominion Theology is a Lie that explains it in a nutshell. Also Mishel's personal account of her years involved in Rick Joyner's ministry gives telling insight to why this culture has veered insanely off God's original intent for His Church.

I guess my inspiration to write tonight is coming from a place of encouragement - to spur you on to dig in and learn for yourself. We've discussed amongst ourselves that to truly learn you need to want to learn. My partner often quotes "When the student is ready the teacher will appear." When you do dig, and if you come across articles that are long, print them and read them later if you want to spend less time at your computer. I love doing that because then you are free to find other articles while you are in finding mode (and it's easier on the eyes at night). Plus they can be copied and handed out to those like our Meandering Four who need a little eye opening when they seem ready to receive.

So, let the Holy Spirit map out a trail of truth for you, one step at a time. When and if you feel like you are standing at the foot of an insurmountable mountain, simply step aside for awhile till the energy to be a seeker returns. When it comes to getting your own faith back, there's all the time in the world and you should take as much time as you need. There is no hurry - you won't be left out - you won't be left behind. Your path is YOUR path and your timeline is in the Lord's hands. What is the Holy Spirit telling YOU in the still quiet of your heart? If you are ready then what are you waiting for? Others have mined the gold and all you have to do is search and read. There's lots of great information online, as you are discovering already, and you can find out more than you want to know about any topic!

Once you gather the info take it a step further and think about the fruit of these Latter Rain ministries. Define fruit. Discern between what's a bunch of hyped-up fluff that's merely keeping a ministry machine running and what is actually what James calls true religion in chapter 1 verses 26-27: Anyone who sets himself up as "religious" by talking a good game is self-deceived. This kind of religion is hot air and only hot air. Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and loveless in their plight, and guard against corruption from the godless world.

It pays to stay on the trail of truth - it's truly a narrow way - and searching the way we are pointing goes against the flow of the mainstream Christian pop culture right now. But hang in there. The more garbleygook that comes off from that culture, the more true compassion for our fellow men we are going to have and the more fruit that each of us, with the leading and help of the Holy Spirit, will be able to see in our own lives.

House of Cards. . .

2008-10-23T10:39:00.017-06:00

One of the hardest parts about leaving a controlling environment is watching the entity still continue on in their quest for dominion. They continue to exist, for one thing, which is bad enough because we now know that they are Dominionists who believe that they are going to inherit the hard-earned money of those in the world who have no clue that this is why they working so hard for their money. If the organization itself no longer existed maybe they'd figure out they aren't here to take over the world any time soon and their building could be used for something else like a charter school or a post office.

If the Dominionists were only delusional and not so harmful to others, then I'd have no problem with them staying in business. But when they continue to exert their control using spiritual manipulation over the fine people that remain, then it's hard to keep quiet.

Some of those fine people we randomly run into at the store. I must say, some of them can be really nice, politely acting like nothing ever happened even though we can still feel the pity through their kindness since in their minds we are the crazy ones. There are others, however, that treat us like we are the untouchables, no longer acceptable, since we deserted their camp. You know the type, they either pretend they don’t see you (which actually works out best) or, if they deign to speak, it’s with a hint of condescension and distain. They are judgmental and patronizing, with a smile, in the most aggravating way. These are the types you would leave town because of to start a new life in a new city. It’s actually a clue to us that the worship-fest for the pastor family is still going on over there which means not much has changed.

If nothing has changed, why does God still allow it to still continue? Lucky for them, His forbearance has depths we can’t even fathom. I readily admit he’s been extremely patient with those of us who have left. He doesn't rush us to hurry and get over it, giving us time to heal, as he guides us toward more and more truth that helps us understand what we endured when we were there. So, God, not being a respecter of persons, must be holding out till he absolutely has to do something to stop the bad behavior over there.

Waiting for God to deal with former world is a bit like waiting to see if the bail outs help the American Economy. I guess only time will tell.

AM I OVER IT YET? Detoxing at Your Own Pace

2008-09-21T01:32:00.004-06:00

What is it about human nature that seems to require a certain time table on recovery? Why do we think we should be over something or somone in a few months or at most in a year? Do you ever find yourself asking 'Just how long is this recovery thing going to take?'

You may be sailing along feeling pretty much 'OVER IT' when something triggers a memory and there you are, smack dab in the middle of THE OLD PAIN again, seething over the fact that you had to endure such abuse in the first place.

In the last 3 years we have found that the Old Pain does resurface and at random times. There's no way to really head it off (other than choose denial which only delays a crash for later) so the best thing to do is process it as it comes and try not to feel responsible for having to deal with it again. Oh WELL, you need to say, I AM getting better and I am MUCH better off than I was before I emerged from the situation I needed recovery from.

So in other words, embrace your own pace. You are uniquely you. When you factor in every aspect of your life that makes you, you, then you can surrender to the realization you aren't on someone else's path, you are on your own journey.

Thank God the Holy Spirit is here with each of us walking us through to the next steps. The Holy Spirit is here to help us and lead us into all truth.

If you don’t tithe, those donuts are not for you!

2008-09-09T11:39:00.010-06:00

Check it out! The CBC blog posted about another clever blog called The Church You Know a parody on modern church life in the style of "The More You Know" PSA's on NBC.

They've figured out a way to artfully "question some of the characteristics and practices we see in the church" as it is today posting short videos on subjects such as tithing, pastors, titles, attendance, WWJD, etc.

Here's a part of the blurb under the WWJD (What Would Jesus Do) video:

At its heart, it’s about the sayings, slogans, fads, and movements that come and go like Krispy Kremes at a Church potluck. What would Jesus do? What would Jabez pray? What is your ‘best life now,’ or your ‘purpose-driven church/life/tricycle?” At best, these can become cliché attempts to understand and control our life in Christ through catchy words, and at worst, they end up becoming semi-truths that allow us to justify a range of behaviors that may have nothing to do with God.

Oh ya, you can view the Tithing (Donut) Video here: Those donuts are NOT for you!

Problems With the Charismatic World

2008-08-29T13:35:00.002-06:00

We'd like to call attention to a recent topic on one of our favorite blogs CityBusinessChurch called Problems with the Charismatic World. Check it out! Reformer has some excellent thoughts in answer to some questions I couldn't help but ask him last night. (click the red titles for links)

Another Great Blog to DeTox By

2008-08-26T23:14:00.010-06:00

Stumbled upon another great blog to detox by if you are interested! It's called SheepleBlog. It has all the qualities we love: truth, humor, intelligence, and on a mission to inform Christians (where IS that alternative word?) of current events and how to think for themselves rather than turn over their minds to another.

Check it out you intelligent person you!

Pleased As Punch

2008-08-11T11:16:00.011-06:00

Came across THIS website the other night with really great articles on Detoxing from Church featuring this picture to the left which is so true and hilarious! The writer, Rob McAlpine catalogs the Detox Journey in a clear and concise way. He describes what we’ve been going through the last couple years to a perfect T. Highly recommended reading for anyone on a similar path. Btw, each article is short and sweet.

Here's the link in case you missed it above: http://www.robbymac.org/detox/

We're PLEASED AS PUNCH for two reasons:

1) All he said confirms we must be ‘hearing’ right even though lots of church people would beg to differ.
2) We don’t have to reinvent the wheel and write something already written!

Now All We Need is a New Word for Christian

2008-08-07T01:58:00.007-06:00

All of what we endured and are now evaluating makes us wonder if there could be a new word to take the place of Christian that would better describe the type of Jesus' follower we are becoming.

The word Christian has had so much bad press over the years because of militant types with their pet agendas as well as the TV evangelists who are either philanderers or using their platform to steal money from the niave among us. To add insult to injury, now abusive pastors and their dutiful enablers are wrecking everything not already destroyed by creating confining controlling environments where people aren't free to make their own decisions like normal mature adults. It's no joke that years of publicized bad behavior has given the name Christian a really bad rap. What's worse, this is really damaging to the name of Christ who didn't represent any of the insanity these posers represent therefore diminishing the opportunity to reach the disenchanted with the joy and power of the Gospel.

I mean, can we say "I am a 'Insert New Name Here', formerly a Christian" kind of like FedEx Office is saying "FedEx/Kinkos is Now FedEx/Office" ?

Still Not Ready to Help at Church

2008-08-06T13:48:00.009-06:00

This post mainly speaks of where we are in relation to church stuff 3 years after leaving the old one. We are finding that we are still not ready to jump in and help out at the good church yet, which is sometimes disconcerting, and we are evaluating our reasons for that.

Each one of us who have left the former church could write a book on what occurred there, and needless to say old habits needs to be redone. Our entire way of life needs to be transformed. One of the old habits is attending church just because it's expected of us as Christians, although this is an obligation common to Christians everywhere. We're now learning to listen to the Holy Spirit and only go when it's in our spirits to go which may seem weird to those who haven't endured the teaching that attending church on Sunday is tied to the depth of one's spirituality. Hopefully in re-doing this, we will establish a more healthy habit of approaching the Lord whether in prayer or in attending church. The bleak alternative is to be like robotrons reporting for duty. If we were machines it'd be different, but 'last time we checked' we are still human.

Unfortunately, we have the rhetoric memorized about why we are supposed to force ourselves to do stuff when our hearts are not in it -- how it's dying to self and becoming more like Christ out of sacrifice. Although dying to self is one of the principals of a Spirit-led life, at Cult Church it was twisted and used to subtley control us especially when we began to ignore red flags and allowed the leadership to cross our boundaries. Why did the leaders have no problem with crossing our boundaries?? Equally as important, why did we let them?

Obligation was one of the Church's greatest tools in getting people to attend all the meetings about doing all the work. Even if individuals weren't well suited for the job, we were taught to teach them to ignore their inner misgivings and call it dying to self. If that aroused feelings of frustration or anger it meant he/she wasn't dead enough yet. I guess that's one way to delegate all the work dreamed up by leaders with endless ideas.

Obligation was also a great tool for generating tithes and offerings: Teach people every week in a 15-min sermonette before the offering to give in faith especially directing it at those who have money, but also reminding the ones who had a 'widow's mite' how they should give all they have to the church, -- I mean, to the Lord. Dying to self for the greater good of the church was essential --you were decreasing and Christ was increasing--or at least, the church itself was increasing. Or was that the senior Pastor's Family Lifestyle that was increasing?? Maybe they should have just implemented mandatory tithe like the Mormons and be done with it. It'd save them alot of preachy energy expended.

The more reticent of us are not getting involved in our new church yet because of all the crap we endured at the Controlling Church and because we couldn't bear to go through it again. We've decided it's best for now to 'hide behind the pillars'! We have no desire to be seen or heard by leaders. In fact, we tend to go the other way if we see them.

Yet, we aren't waiting for perfect forgiveness to jump back in either. We do understand that God uses us even while on the mend. But, could it be that we aren't designed to be inside the church and so we shouldn't gage our health on whether we want to help out at church or not. Perhaps we will find our path of 'ministry' (or let's just call it 'helping others') outside the church walls. If we use our energy for what we aren't supposed to do, there won't be energy left to do what we are to do.

Truth to tell, there are a lot of people like us out there -- we've been reading books and blogs and there are entire communities of us with similar disorders as a result of spiritual abuse . A lot of what we are reading indicates that, for the most part, these people still love Jesus but can't stomach the church any longer (even the good ones like ours) and that's mainly because there are religious Christians lurking in churches ready to pounce, even if the pastor and staff are cool and discerning.